If you found yourself reacting to that headline with thoughts like, “Are you serious? She gave you life and raised you!” or “You only get one mom! Don’t you want to avoid regrets later?” then you likely haven’t experienced the burden of a toxic or abusive parent, and this article might not resonate with you. I’m genuinely glad for your situation.
However, if you felt a pang of recognition or a rush of anxiety while reading that headline, then you understand. Unfortunately, some of us find it necessary to sever ties with the very individuals who brought us into this world. We must create that distance to pursue healthier lives for ourselves and our families.
It’s important to acknowledge that feeling sad is perfectly normal. The grief over what should have been—the ideal family moments we’ve imagined—may never completely disappear. While daily life can dull the ache, it lingers, reminding us of what we longed for.
The painful truth is that those idyllic family gatherings that you see others enjoying, filled with laughter and love, are unlikely to manifest in your life. That reality can feel overwhelmingly disheartening. It’s not just a loss for you; it’s a loss for your children, too, as you hoped they would experience the joys of family life, like Sunday dinners with Grandma or having a trustworthy adult to lean on while you took a much-needed break.
Many of us, myself included, clung to those dreams for far too long. We felt small, defeated, and manipulated. We endured emotional manipulation, gaslighting, and a cycle of forgiveness that never led to real change. Our feelings were dismissed, and we were labeled as “overly dramatic” or “self-centered,” which only added to the emotional scars.
Eventually, there comes a point where enough is enough. I reached that breaking point nearly four years ago. Aside from a moment of poor judgment that reaffirmed my decision, I have remained estranged from my mother since that day.
This choice is complex—not just for me, but for my siblings and extended family, who have also felt the impact. While I care deeply for them, I now prioritize the well-being of my children, who need a healthy, stable, and emotionally available parent. To be the kind of mom I always aspired to be, I had to part ways with my own mother’s toxicity.
Her behavior was often overt, but at times it was subtle, causing me to question my sensitivity and emotions. Regardless, her treatment left deep marks on my psyche, even triggering my anxiety disorders. Writing this has stirred up feelings I often choose to bury, and it serves as a reminder of how damaging toxic parenting can be.
Disconnecting from a parent can go against societal norms, making it difficult for others to comprehend. People often express shock at my decision not to include my mother in significant life events or even mundane daily chats. However, I had to let go of that dysfunctional relationship to thrive as my best self and be the mother my children deserve.
For those grappling with similar challenges, you are not alone. There are resources available to help you navigate fertility and parenting, such as March of Dimes, which offers excellent guidance on fertility treatments. Additionally, for those considering artificial insemination, Make a Mom provides key supplements for boosting fertility. If you’re interested in exploring home insemination, you can find more insights in our other blog post at Intracervical Insemination.
In summary, ending a toxic relationship with a parent can be a painful yet necessary step towards building a healthier, happier family life. The journey is complex, but prioritizing your emotional well-being is crucial for being the best parent possible.