Parenting can sometimes feel overwhelmingly challenging, akin to being struck by a freight train. However, there’s a metaphor that may help you cope with those difficult moments — the ‘train analogy.’ This concept could transform how you handle everything from tantrums in the grocery store to door slamming by tweens and teenage curfews.
We’ve all witnessed our children grappling with intense emotions. In our desire to alleviate their distress, we often resort to distractions, much like how we distract ourselves with our phones, shopping, or food when life gets tough. But here’s the kicker: distracting them often backfires.
This is where the ‘train analogy’ comes into play. Imagine that your child is a train navigating through a tunnel of emotions. To reach the other side, they must journey through their feelings without interference. This approach can similarly apply to our own lives, not just parenting.
While we genuinely want to shield our kids from pain, our attempts to distract them often stem from our own discomfort. It’s tough to see them upset over something seemingly trivial, like a lost cookie, a balloon that slipped away, or a favorite book that’s gone missing. However, when we distract them, we risk invalidating their feelings and preventing them from processing their emotions.
Take, for instance, a story shared by mom Lisa Thompson about her son’s emotional outburst after forgetting his beloved stuffed animal in his grandmother’s car. Rather than saying, “You’ll be fine,” or “It’s just one night,” Lisa applied the train analogy, allowing her son to express his emotions without interruption. Within just eight minutes, he emerged from the tunnel of feelings, calm and ready to choose a different stuffed animal for the night. This experience helped him build resilience for future challenges.
Let’s be honest; it’s difficult to resist the urge to comfort our children when they’re upset. Yet, in my experience, employing the train analogy has led to better outcomes for both me and my kids. For example, when my daughter was three, she was attached to her pacifier. During a road trip, I couldn’t find it, resulting in a major meltdown. Instead of rushing to find a replacement or dismissing her feelings, I let her ride through that emotional tunnel. Although the crying lasted about 15 minutes, she ultimately realized she was okay without her pacifier.
Now that my children are teenagers, I still remind myself of the train analogy. Telling them to “move on” after a friend has hurt their feelings doesn’t allow them the space to self-regulate and navigate their emotions. As parents, our instinct is to make everything better, but the train analogy teaches us that we can help our children grow stronger by allowing them to face their emotional challenges.
While there’s no foolproof guide to parenting, instilling this lesson in our children is vital. It may be tough initially, but the long-term benefits for their emotional development are worth the effort.
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Summary
The ‘train analogy’ offers a powerful framework for helping children navigate emotional challenges by allowing them to process their feelings without distractions. This approach fosters resilience and emotional growth, making it an effective parenting strategy.