Losing a child is an unimaginable sorrow that many mothers face, with statistics showing that approximately 4 out of every 1,000 mothers endure the heartbreak of losing a baby during or shortly after delivery. In October 2017, Emily Johnson from Oak Park, Illinois, faced this tragedy when her second son, Oliver, passed away just a day after his birth due to complications from a rare pregnancy condition known as vasa previa.
Devastated and searching for a way to honor Oliver’s memory while coping with her grief, Johnson turned to breastmilk donation. Having breastfed her first child, Max, she understood that her body would produce milk for Oliver. Although the hospital staff never brought up the idea of donating milk, Johnson, who had spent time in the NICU preparing for the possibility of having a preemie, recognized the critical role breastmilk plays in the lives of premature infants.
What she didn’t anticipate was the profound healing that would come from the donation process. “Pumping gave me a necessary routine and a way to navigate my grief,” Johnson explained. “Instead of days filled with cuddling my baby, I found myself in an empty nursery with nothing planned. Pumping helped me find a rhythm in my day, breaking it into manageable pieces.”
Susan Martinez, Donor Coordinator at the Mothers’ Milk Bank of the Great Lakes, shared that around 15% of their donors are those who have experienced a loss. Milk donation not only helps mothers feel connected to their babies but can also alleviate feelings of depression by releasing beneficial hormones like oxytocin and prolactin during the pumping process. “Some mothers have expressed that it felt nurturing even without a baby in their arms,” Martinez noted, recalling a donor who, despite struggling with depression, felt uplifted by the hormones released while pumping.
Through the Mothers’ Milk Bank, many bereaved mothers, including Johnson, have found community and support from others who understand their journey. “In the year since Oliver’s passing, I’ve become deeply involved with the milk bank and have met an incredible community of families,” Johnson shared. “Some are mothers who have also experienced loss, while others are donors or recipients of milk. Joining this community has been one of the most rewarding aspects of my journey.”
While donors don’t have direct contact with the families receiving their milk, they take comfort in knowing that their contributions save lives. “Approximately 80% of the pasteurized milk we distribute goes to NICUs and is provided to premature infants when their own mothers’ milk is unavailable,” Martinez explained. This nutrition is vital for fragile babies, helping to prevent severe complications like necrotizing enterocolitis (NEC).
Johnson ended up pumping for six weeks, donating hundreds of ounces to those in need. She emphasizes that mothers can donate on their own terms; there are no strict guidelines on the quantity, and each ounce truly makes a difference. Most importantly, she wishes for other mothers to know that milk donation is a viable option that can bring solace during a difficult period. “In the hospital, no one mentioned the possibility. I think they were concerned about saying the wrong thing. However, informing mothers about milk donation offers them choices when everything else feels lost. It helps restore a sense of control over their bodies and their child’s legacy.”
Martinez confirmed that all bereaved mothers are welcome to donate, regardless of medications or lifestyle factors, as the milk is carefully screened and pasteurized. “We recognize that donation is a deeply personal choice, and not every mother will want to donate. Our goal is to raise awareness of bereavement donation so that every family can make the choice that is right for them.”
If you or someone you know is interested in donating milk to infants in need, consider visiting the Human Milk Banking Association of North America (HMBANA) to find a milk bank in your area. For some mothers, informal milk sharing can also be a good alternative, and you can learn more about this at Human Milk 4 Human Babies or Eats on Feets. For further insights on pregnancy and home insemination, check out some information at Intracervical Insemination.
In summary, breastmilk donation can be a healing path for mothers who have experienced loss. It not only provides nourishment to fragile infants but also offers bereaved mothers a sense of purpose and community. By understanding the option of milk donation, mothers can regain a semblance of control during a tumultuous time.