Not long ago, during a guided meditation with my lovely yoga instructor, she shared a profound piece of wisdom: “Seek out those who cherish you.” The phrase resonated deeply with me. As I was sorting laundry in our bedroom, I paused, set down the clothes, and repeated those words to myself: “Seek out those who cherish you.”
It’s been five years since my separation and divorce from my first husband, and I can confidently say we have built a commendable co-parenting relationship—one that I think deserves recognition. But amidst that transition, I lost my best friend, Lisa. She was like my other half, my confidante, and the most genuine friend I had ever known. Unfortunately, during the turmoil of my divorce, she felt caught in the middle and ultimately, it seemed she chose to align with my ex.
This loss hit me harder than the divorce itself.
For a long time, I held onto the hope of rekindling our friendship. Almost a year after my split, I took a leap of faith and reached out to her. It was a simple text message, but it took every ounce of courage to send it; I was unsure if she even wanted to hear from me. To my surprise, she replied, and our brief exchange was filled with warmth. She even referenced one of our inside jokes, making me feel a fleeting connection.
But then, six long months passed before I heard from her again. Her message was to express sympathy over my dog having gone missing. By that time, my furry friend was back home safe, so I thanked her and updated her on everything. After that, silence returned.
I thought about her daily. I missed my friend terribly.
A year later, a lump was discovered in my breast during a routine check-up, and I was filled with fear. My friends rallied around me, taking me out to distract me with food and laughter. In a moment of vulnerability, I texted Lisa, hoping that my health scare might inspire her to reconnect. By this time, I had remarried to a wonderful man named Mark, who stood by me through the anxiety of medical tests and the subsequent “all clear” diagnosis. I was surrounded by love, yet the void left by my friend lingered.
Nearly a year later, Lisa reached out again, and I was elated. We had a heartfelt hour-long phone call, and it felt like old times. She expressed her love for me, and I reciprocated. It felt like we were mending our friendship. The next day, excited about our reconnection, I sent her photos from my recent wedding. She responded with love emojis and shared pictures of her new dog. I felt hopeful, thinking, “My friend is back.”
That was two years ago, and since then, I have not heard from her again. Each time I think of our last exchange, a wave of sadness washes over me. It was not until I heard the words “Seek out those who cherish you” that I found clarity.
I realized how often I had knocked on doors where I wasn’t wanted, striving to prove my worth to those who didn’t value my friendship. I’ve spent years seeking validation from family members, old friends, and colleagues, convincing myself that I needed to earn their affection. The truth is, I have never lacked love; I just had to shift my focus to those who genuinely care for me.
It’s perfectly okay for people to not want to be friends. It doesn’t warrant anger; it’s simply their choice. Yet, we tend to fixate on winning over those who don’t appreciate us, instead of welcoming the love from those who do.
It’s not selfish to gravitate towards those who embrace you; it’s a form of self-love and self-care. I’ve decided not to reach out to Lisa again; she’s no longer the friend I once knew. My true friends are here, and I can now clearly see where I am valued.
So, take a moment to look around and recognize who truly supports you. Go where you are cherished; it’s where life flourishes, and where you belong.
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In summary, prioritizing relationships with those who appreciate you can lead to greater happiness and fulfillment in life. Embrace love where it exists, and let go of those who don’t reciprocate.