August 15, 2018
When my son Leo was diagnosed with mild autism at the age of two, our developmental pediatrician reassured us that he would gradually learn to socialize better. I took notes as the doctor advised us: “Engage with a diverse range of children, both neurotypical and neurodiverse. Participate in community activities and groups.”
Looking at Leo, who was mostly nonverbal at that time and engaged in parallel play without much interaction, I couldn’t help but feel a pang of worry. Would he ever form true friendships?
As if foreseeing the future, Leo began to socialize more over time. In social skills therapy, he practiced initiating play with peers, proudly stating his name and asking others for theirs. He found real delight in interacting with other kids.
Once he started kindergarten, he excitedly came home to list his friends. We noticed he often played with one particular child but seemed to have a broader circle of acquaintances. Thrilled with this progress, we arranged playdates and enrolled him in various activities, hoping to nurture these budding friendships.
However, it soon became apparent that some of Leo’s friends, particularly one, were not always kind. While they were mostly well-meaning kids, they sometimes isolated or teased him. Leo struggled to cope with these situations and would often feel distressed.
As parents, we brushed off these incidents, convincing ourselves that this was typical behavior among boys or that it would pass. When Leo expressed his sadness, we offered him advice on how to assert himself better. Our focus on helping him make friends overshadowed the crucial aspects of nurturing his self-confidence and sense of worth.
After one particularly upsetting incident, we sat down for a heart-to-heart. It became clear that having friends didn’t equate to social success. It was essential for Leo to learn how to choose his friends carefully. I explained to him, without the influence of doctors or therapists, that a true friend should uplift us, not bring us down. A good friend shares joy, plays kindly, and never isolates us. It’s not merely about having a friend; it’s about having a supportive one.
Before long, instead of coming to me with complaints about unkind behavior, he started sharing joyful moments, like when he and a friend enjoyed a snack together.
I hope we can continue guiding Leo to build positive social connections and broaden his social circle. For more insights on nurturing relationships, consider checking out this blog post on home insemination techniques.
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Summary:
Navigating social interactions for a child with autism can be challenging. While it’s important to encourage friendship, the emphasis should be on fostering healthy, supportive relationships that boost self-esteem.