This fall, my vibrant daughter is set to embark on her kindergarten journey. Due to local birthday cut-off dates, she’ll be one of the youngest in her class, starting school at just 4 years old. However, this piece isn’t about age or the debate over redshirting—there are countless forums and passionate blog posts dedicated to that topic.
Instead, this is a reflection on the past year spent in deliberation with my partner about whether to enroll our daughter in elementary school this fall. We reached out to her educators, education professionals, friends, and family. We consulted experts, but ultimately, this wasn’t solely about her. It was about me learning to let go. The theme of letting go has pervaded our journey.
The Process of Letting Go
The process of letting go began long before her birth. I had to release the idealized pregnancy I envisioned and the birth experience I planned. For us, it was about saying goodbye before we even met her. I first held my daughter in the NICU just hours after her arrival.
In those initial months, I clung to her fiercely. It hurt at times when family and friends held her, as though I had lost a part of myself that I could never reclaim. Her entrance into the world meant bidding farewell to the unique bond we shared when she was still inside me.
As she grew, the letting go continued. The joy of her crawling and walking was bittersweet; she no longer needed me to navigate her world. I cherished her excitement as she experienced new foods, yet I mourned the loss of solely nourishing her from my body.
With each passing year, the letting go expanded. I vividly remember the first time she sang a song from a music class with her caregiver. It marked the realization that she had a life beyond our shared experiences. Each day, she grew bolder and more independent.
New Challenges
The arrival of her brother surprised me with the depth of my emotions. I was thrilled to welcome him but unprepared for the sadness and guilt of transitioning from being just a mother to my daughter.
Now, at 4.5 years old, the letting go is about witnessing her transformation into her own individual. Sometimes, that individual is headstrong and emotional, which complicates my feelings toward her. It’s about recognizing my limitations as a parent and accepting that she is her own person, as it should be.
Embracing Change
This past year has taught me to embrace the process of letting go. I’ve realized that whether she starts kindergarten at 4, 5, or even 20, I will always face the challenge of letting go. Each stage of parenting and every milestone means adapting to change and acknowledging the small losses that accompany growth.
My father once shared that he felt most accomplished as a parent when his children ventured out into the world. Although it was painful for him to watch us leave, he knew he had succeeded because we were progressing. This perspective puzzled me for years, but I believe I finally understand it.
While letting go is difficult, it’s my responsibility as a parent to embrace it. So, my spirited daughter will take her first steps into kindergarten this fall. She is filled with confidence and excitement. I’m beginning to feel that excitement too, yet there’s also sadness—sadness in letting go of the preschooler she is and the toddler and baby she once was. I’m experiencing a mix of emotions, and that’s perfectly okay.
This September, I’ll find myself letting go a little more while likely holding on even tighter.
Additional Resources
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Summary
As my daughter prepares to start kindergarten this fall, I reflect on the emotional journey of letting go that has shaped our parenting experience. From her early days to the present, each milestone has taught me to embrace change and accept the bittersweet nature of growing independence.