Parenting
Navigating Name Regrets in Parenthood
I was just 24 when my first child, Leo, entered the world. Back then, I thought I was quite grown-up, but at 35, I realize I was merely a kid about to become a parent. My partner, Sarah, was also 24, and we had been married for about a year. Once we found out we were having a boy, the name game began. Honestly, I came up with some outrageous suggestions. While I can’t recall all of them, two names that stick in my mind are Gideon and Tater.
I can’t quite explain my fascination with Gideon other than it seemed unique and fun, and I thought a name like that would help my son stand out. Naturally, Sarah gave me a look that conveyed utter disbelief, as if I were proposing a crime. By this stage, her baby bump was undeniable. She placed her hand on her belly and exclaimed, “There’s no way we’re naming our child after a biblical figure with a complicated legacy.”
I pushed the idea further, even involving family members. Everyone thought I’d lost my mind. They treated me like I was being ridiculously immature for even suggesting it. Looking back, I can see that I was.
I didn’t grasp the full impact of naming a child back then. I wanted a name that was distinctive, but I hadn’t considered how it would be perceived. Gideon was definitely unique, but it carried a historical weight I hadn’t recognized. My suggestion of Tater for his first name didn’t receive as much resistance, but it wasn’t exactly a winner either. It felt like a compromise. Ultimately, Sarah and I settled on Leo Tater Anderson. The idea was that he’d have a quirky middle name, and once he was older, he could choose to use it if he wanted.
Here’s the truth about naming a child: opinions from family and friends will flood in regardless of what you choose. They’ll say it’s too ordinary, too strange, or they’ll mispronounce it entirely. Someone will inevitably share a story about a person they once knew with the same name who turned out to be unpleasant, as if that’s relevant. They’ll suggest alternatives you won’t like, but they’ll keep pushing.
I can’t explain why this happens, but I can tell you that if you opt for an unconventional name, be prepared for some odd reactions throughout your parenting journey. People will look at your child as if they were wearing mismatched shoes.
Now, Leo is nearly 12. With every parent-teacher conference, medical appointment, and official form where we list his full name, the reaction is the same: “Your son’s middle name is Tater?” followed by a quizzical look that makes me wonder if they’re considering calling child protective services.
Honestly, is Tater really that bad? Not really. In fact, I suspect some readers might know a Tater or two. I had a friend in school whose uncle was named Tater, and he was a fun guy. Sure, there are worse names out there. I once met a child named Crayola at a park. I’m trying not to be judgmental about names, but come on—Crayola?
Anyway, back to Tater. It’s not a common name, and people seem to react to it in a peculiar way. Now that Leo is old enough to express his own preferences (and trust me, he has many), he doesn’t use Tater. He opts for Leo instead, which I didn’t see coming.
Will this change once he hits high school? Could he decide to embrace Tater? Who knows? For now, Leo tends to shy away from his middle name. When others find out, he often glances at the ground, embarrassed.
At this moment, I find myself with a slight regret regarding his middle name. Is it a critical issue? Probably not. It’s a minor regret, enough to make me question my judgment back in my 20s. I’m certain there are other parents who share this sentiment—perhaps they chose names that sounded appealing at the time but later lost their charm. Maybe they named their child after someone they no longer admire. Is it worth changing their name? Probably not, but it’s a thought that creeps in from time to time, prompting reflection.
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Summary
Naming a child can lead to unexpected regrets as parents reflect on their choices over time. While unique names may inspire creativity, they can also invite unsolicited opinions and reactions from others. As children grow, they may choose to embrace or distance themselves from their given names, leading parents to ponder their original decisions.