I like to think of myself as a generally cheerful individual—light-hearted, self-aware, and easygoing. But there’s one small caveat: if I don’t catch enough Zs, I turn into a cranky, irritable, short-fused emotional whirlwind—someone with whom rational discussion is utterly impossible. During those moments, I am convinced that I am always right. Until, of course, I’m not, in which case I become thoroughly convinced that I can’t do anything right.
Still with me?
The kicker is that I haven’t had an uninterrupted, decent night’s sleep since my son arrived in the summer of 2014. I’ve long surpassed the phase of just being a cranky, irritable emotional wreck. In fact, I sometimes wonder if my partner looks back nostalgically at the days when I was merely that.
Ah, the good old days.
Babies are incredible. INCREDIBLE, I tell you! From their fluffy little locks to their adorably wrinkled toes, they truly redefine joy. Those initial weeks with a newborn are nothing short of enchanting. Sort of.
They are also utterly draining. That’s why I’ve compiled a survival guide for new dads (and moms too) who have a partner like me (sorry, not sorry) and a newborn to care for:
- It’s best to steer clear of suggesting your partner looks like they’ve been through a wringer. Right now, glamorous features aren’t high on her agenda. If she manages to survive the day without any major mishaps, consider proposing again.
- If she’s sprawled out in bed mid-morning, it’s not an invitation for some playful antics. She’s likely just catching up on the sleep she desperately needs.
- Avoid starting sentences with, “Don’t take this the wrong way, but…” Because once again, there’s only one way to take that.
- Never ask, “So, what have you done all day?” Her day might have looked something like this:
- Feed baby.
- Burp baby.
- Change baby.
- Stare at baby in awe.
- Question how you both created such a beautiful being.
- Change baby again after a spit-up accident.
- Feed baby.
- And the list goes on…
- When your baby decides to have a major blowout in your arms, don’t expect your partner to be your assistant. You know where the diapers are—use them!
- If you’re running late from work, do her a favor and let her know. She’s been counting the minutes (and seconds) for hours. If you show up late, you might just get handed the baby as a welcome home gift.
- Remember: looking after your own child is not ‘babysitting.’ It’s parenting. And no, you won’t get paid for it.
- If your partner unexpectedly bursts into tears, don’t waste time trying to figure out why. Just offer a comforting embrace. Crying can strike for reasons none of us fully understand—be it exhaustion or just the heart-wrenching appeal for neglected animals on TV.
- If she expresses concern about the baby, listen carefully and steer her away from Google. While the baby might be fine, never dismiss her worries with a simple “he/she is fine.”
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In summary, navigating parenthood is a wild ride, filled with ups and downs. Embrace the chaos, lend a supportive hand, and remember to keep a sense of humor along the way.
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