Being 38 means I’m inching closer to 40 than I am to 30, and I rarely get carded anymore—like, ever. Sure, I can still “celebrate” if I load up on coffee and steer clear of dairy and gluten, but let’s be real; there’s a reason “celebrate” is in quotes. Although I know 38 isn’t ancient—my friends from high school still recognize me on social media, wrinkles and all—there are moments when I feel my age creeping in. It’s probably a side effect of parenthood, and I blame it on the following factors that make me feel older than I am.
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Kids’ Slang (and my use of the word “slang”).
Seriously, what are kids even saying these days? A text to a friend from me might read: “Hey! I’ll be around in about 10 minutes. What should I bring?” Meanwhile, a teen’s text looks like this: “y u late.” Where did all the words go? And don’t get me started on acronyms. BRB? CYT? Every conversation feels like a secret code that I’m not in on. I remember when “J/K” and “WTF” were the peak of creativity.
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Children’s Tech Savvy vs. My Struggles with Technology.
I’m still here scrolling through Facebook and email, which apparently are obsolete for the younger generation. When did email become old-fashioned? I remember my very first email address in college. Kids these days communicate through apps I’ve never heard of, and the concept of “talking” on a phone is laughable to them. They don’t even scroll through channels to see what’s on TV; they just watch whatever they want on platforms like Netflix or YouTube. When I find myself flipping through channels late at night, looking for something to watch, it hits me how outdated my habits are.
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Not Recognizing Modern Celebrities.
I grew up glued to award shows like the Oscars and Emmys, eagerly anticipating the fashion trends and acceptance speeches. But now, when I watch the Kids’ Choice Awards with my children, I feel completely lost. Who are these people? When I asked, “Where’s Justin Bieber?” and my kids looked at me like I was from another planet, I felt ancient.
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When Kids Think Old Shows Are New.
Newsflash, kids: “Fuller House” is not a new show. I knew those characters when they were just kids themselves! And to make matters worse, “True Colors” wasn’t written for Trolls, nor was “Welcome to the Jungle” originally a Jumanji soundtrack. The original Jumanji was a board game—yes, a game you played with real people. It’s mind-blowing how disconnected they are from the past.
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The Calendar (and the Reality Check).
Remember when the ’60s and ’70s felt like ancient history? Now, my own teenage years are sliding into the “oldies” category. It’s staggering to realize that Friends premiered 24 years ago, and this year’s graduating seniors were born in 2000. My 20-year high school reunion was just this past June. The realization has hit hard; I’ve heard Boys II Men on the oldies station, and Friends reruns are now on Nick at Nite, which used to be reserved for shows like Bewitched.
It’s clear: I’m getting older. But you know what? I’ll keep dancing in my kitchen, even if it’s to the Spice Girls. I’ll reminisce about when VH-1 was the latest thing and pop a few Advil if I pull a muscle. After all, I’m only 38.
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