In the wake of the #MeToo movement and the revelations surrounding powerful figures, I’ve reflected on my own experiences with harassment and how they shape my approach to raising my sons. Currently, they are like playful puppies at the park, joyfully tumbling over one another. However, I recognize that a day will come when they venture out on their own—into parks, malls, and city streets. As they grow stronger and larger, their group of five will undoubtedly be perceived as formidable, which can be intimidating to others, particularly women. This is why my role as a parent is crucial now, while they are still at home and receptive to my guidance.
I don’t believe my sons will become predators, nor do I want them to live in fear of being seen as threats. Yet, I want them to be aware of the historical injustices that women have faced, largely at the hands of men. This legacy means there’s significant work to be done in reshaping gender dynamics, and it is imperative that my sons, along with all boys, play an active part in this change.
Education Beyond Basics
Thus, I educate them. I teach them beyond the basics of consent, such as, “Respect a girl’s boundaries,” to the more nuanced lessons: “When sharing a seat, leave space; when walking behind someone, keep your distance; and if you’re in a crowded place, angle your body so as not to invade someone’s personal space.”
We discuss issues of sexual assault and consent, making sure they understand modern feminism and equality. However, it’s equally important to help them apply these lessons in real life. They may grasp that the power dynamic between genders is skewed, but they need to learn how to help rebalance it. This is where we, as parents, must empower our sons with actionable knowledge.
Practical Advice for Everyday Actions
It’s not enough to simply instruct them to refrain from inappropriate behavior; we must offer practical advice on how their everyday actions can either perpetuate a culture of fear or help dismantle it. Teach them to recognize when a girl’s disinterest is clear—if she’s focused on a book or wearing headphones, that’s a signal to step back. Encourage them to consider crossing the street if they’re approaching a woman alone in a narrow space—not because they pose a threat, but to acknowledge the historical context that can make their presence seem intimidating.
Furthermore, we should encourage our sons to extend the camaraderie they feel with teammates to their female peers and colleagues. When they make respectful choices, praise them, and highlight examples of other men who also exemplify such behavior. It’s essential they learn to intervene if they witness inappropriate actions by others.
Fostering Good Men
Ultimately, our goal is not just to prevent bad behavior but to cultivate good men who actively strive to be better.
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In summary, empowering boys to be respectful and considerate can create a safer environment for women. By instilling these values early, we can help foster a culture of respect and equality.