The sentiment that we have merely 18 summers with our children, urging parents to savor every moment, has become nearly ubiquitous. It pops up in social media feeds constantly, shared by well-meaning friends eager to remind us of the fleeting nature of childhood. This summer, it feels like the online world has become particularly relentless in highlighting the limited time we have with our kids.
Sure, we understand that time is precious, but the pressure to make every summer memorable can be overwhelming. I’m a parent to two amazing teenagers, and while we share a close bond, they often prefer spending time elsewhere over hanging out with me. Luckily, my younger child still enjoys my company, which is a blessing. I find myself wishing I could turn back the clock to create more cherished memories, but the reality is that I can’t. Even if I could, I doubt I would have done anything significantly different.
It’s true that we only have 18 summers, but expecting each one to be perfect or even extraordinary is unrealistic. We engage with our kids as much as possible, but the demands of motherhood can lead to burnout. Sometimes, we let our children enjoy screen time while we take a breather, or we encourage them to play outside independently. Life’s challenges—like anxiety, depression, or the busy schedules of working parents—can make it difficult to create those picture-perfect moments regularly.
Motherhood is challenging enough without the added burden of feeling pressured to “make every moment count.” This notion parallels the idea that we should “enjoy every minute because it all goes by so fast,” which is an impossible standard to meet. The truth is, motherhood isn’t always enjoyable; there are tough moments, like dealing with a toddler’s tantrum or a teenager’s eye-roll.
When frustration arises, we don’t need the added guilt of worrying if we’re ruining our children’s childhoods. Society often feeds us the narrative that if we were better parents, our kids would have flawless childhoods, and that pressure can be suffocating.
The reality is that we can’t control every aspect of our children’s upbringing. What we can do is love, nurture, teach, and support them throughout their lives. We should strive to create memorable moments, but we also need to forgive ourselves for times when things don’t go as planned. When we hear messages urging us to maximize every minute, it can feel like another reminder that we’re somehow falling short.
Many of us grapple with feelings of inadequacy in our parenting, even as we strive to make every moment matter. It’s essential to recognize that it’s okay to have both joyful and challenging feelings about motherhood. We shouldn’t feel guilty about the hard days or pretend they don’t exist, worried that they’ll undermine our time with our kids.
Am I suggesting you shouldn’t try to create lasting memories? Absolutely not. What I’m advocating for is the understanding that it’s perfectly normal for some moments with your children to be forgettable. We all make mistakes, and our kids may choose their friends over us from time to time. That’s part of life and doesn’t define our worth as parents.
Even when they reach adulthood, opportunities to make memories don’t just vanish. Motherhood is a lifelong journey, and a strong relationship will keep you connected well beyond those 18 summers. While the depth of time spent together may change, it can still be fulfilling and meaningful.
I’m acutely aware that I have just two summers left with my 16-year-old, but I’m not racing against the clock to make every moment extraordinary. Our time together may not always be picture-perfect, but it is filled with genuine love and trust that will far outlast the concept of 18 summers.
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Summary
The pressure to make every summer with our children special can be overwhelming and unrealistic. While we cherish our time together, it’s important to recognize that not every moment will be perfect. Motherhood is filled with ups and downs, and it’s okay for some experiences to be forgettable. Our relationships with our kids can continue to grow and be meaningful long after they turn 18.