An Open Letter to Those Who Think I’m a Facebook Addict
If you see my name pop up in your newsfeed and find yourself rolling your eyes or hovering over the Unfollow button, I get it. It’s likely you’re questioning whether I’ve ever experienced my family beyond the confines of my iPhone screen, but I assure you, I have. You probably don’t care to see my weekend adventures or the countless photos I post. And honestly? Your lack of interest doesn’t bother me.
I don’t flood my feed seeking validation through likes or comments. Instead, I share to remind myself, especially during my darkest moments, that I’m creating beautiful memories with my family. It serves as evidence that I’m not entirely lost in my struggles.
Despite the tough days, I strive to embrace the joyful ones. My daughter, with her bouncy curls—something I’m sure she’ll dislike on humid days—holds a special place in my heart. Looking into her big brown eyes, I see reflections of myself, bringing both joy and a pang of sadness. While she gets her lively spirit and love for dancing from her dad, I hope she retains that fearless spark that I’ve always admired.
She’s so young, unaware that I’m far from the superhero she thinks I am. I’m the one she seeks when she’s frightened or simply wants to cuddle. Our bond is precious, and I hope she’ll remember that I did my best to be the mom she deserves. I may not always succeed in being her hero, especially when anxiety lurks in the shadows, stealing my happiness and leaving me questioning my worthiness.
A dear friend gifted me a journal just before my daughter was born, urging me to document every moment of her childhood. She encouraged me to capture all the highs and lows so that one day, my daughter could look back and see her story. Yet, that pink book sits untouched, a reminder of my struggles to document the everyday joys.
It seems ironic that I can pour my heart into words like this but struggle to jot down a memorable moment each day. I need to be in the right frame of mind, and often, quiet moments can become toxic for me. I face the challenges of adjustment disorder, high-functioning depression, panic disorder, and generalized anxiety disorder. I own these realities, but I don’t want them to define me as a mother. That’s why I share my life on social media; it’s a way to remind myself that I’m not a complete failure.
I often reflect on how I can be a better partner to my husband, wishing I could be more like the flawless women I see on television, who juggle life with grace and humor. More often, I find myself exhausted by the end of the day, hoping my daughter sticks to her bedtime routine so my husband and I can reconnect, if only for a short while.
My children, including my lovely stepdaughter, deserve the best version of me too. While I’m aware that there are worse mothers out there, the nagging feeling that I could be doing better never leaves me. The truth about motherhood is that you’re constantly worried that someone else is managing it all more effectively than you.
So, when I share those perfectly curated family photos, know that they’re part of my coping strategy—more than just a social media trend. Dealing with mental health issues can feel isolating, and sometimes my mind becomes my worst enemy. Whether I’m having a panic attack or venting my frustrations on my husband, I know it’s not fair to either of us.
It’s a struggle that too few people talk about. Mental illness is not just a label; it’s a real condition that deserves the same understanding as physical illnesses. No one chooses to face these challenges, and the guilt that accompanies them can be overwhelming.
There are days when I wonder how my husband tolerates my mood swings. He has his own flaws, but he doesn’t grapple with his thoughts the way I sometimes do. Since my diagnosis years ago, I’ve experienced moments of profound joy and significant struggle.
Looking ahead, I choose to focus on the rainbows that appear after the storms, even if it sounds cliché. Currently, I feel grateful for my family, our new home, and a job transfer that promises less stress. Yet, I remain aware that more storms will come; I just want to appreciate the beauty that follows.
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Summary
In this heartfelt letter, the author addresses those who view her as the “annoying Facebook friend,” sharing her struggles with mental health while emphasizing the importance of documenting memories for herself and her family. Through candid reflections on motherhood, anxiety, and the quest for perfection, she highlights the deeper reasons behind her social media presence and the need for understanding around mental health challenges.