The 5 Types of People You Encounter as a Gay Dad

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Navigating the world as a gay dad can be a unique experience, often filled with unexpected interactions. While raising my twins is an adventure filled with joy and laughter, it’s the conversations with others about our family that can be a bit more challenging. My kids, at just 2 years old, are already curious about the concept of a mother and sometimes ask why we don’t have one. Thankfully, they are bright and open-minded, so explaining our family dynamic to them is relatively straightforward. The real test often lies in how we explain it to others.

In my two years of fatherhood, I’ve found that people tend to fall into one of five distinct categories when they learn about my family structure. Here’s a look at the five types of people you’re likely to meet:

1. The New Best Friend: These individuals respond with overwhelming excitement. Within moments of meeting my partner, Alex, and me, they want to hug us, connect on social media, and even invite us into their lives for holidays. They often exclaim how lucky our kids are and want to introduce us to their own children. It’s heartwarming to see their eagerness to embrace our family, and we usually reciprocate by sharing our journey, including the details of our surrogacy process and how our egg donor happens to be Alex’s sister. In Los Angeles, where we live, these New BFFs are surprisingly common.
2. The Jaded Allies: These folks typically maintain a cool demeanor, perhaps a bit too cool. They’ll often mention other gay families they know to signal their acceptance. For example, they might say, “Oh, there’s another couple at our kids’ school with two dads.” While they seem supportive, their approach can feel somewhat rehearsed, as if they’re more focused on how they appear to us than on genuine connection. Still, we appreciate their presence as allies, even if the conversation doesn’t always go deeper than surface level.
3. The Closet Homophobes: This group is polite but distant. Their reaction typically involves a quick exit, often accompanied by a vague comment like, “Oh, how nice,” before they slip away. Their discomfort is palpable, and it’s clear they’re struggling with the reality of our family. I’ve encountered parents who avoid discussing our family openly, perhaps fearing questions from their own kids about why we don’t have a mom. I make it a point to be transparent about our family structure, ensuring my children know there is no shame in who we are.
4. The Head Scratchers: These individuals are often entertaining, albeit baffled by our family dynamic. I recall a car salesman who, upon learning we were expecting twins, asked where my wife was. When I clarified that my partner Alex and I were the dads, he seemed utterly confused. Similarly, a waiter at a restaurant once insisted that there couldn’t possibly be two dads, despite our clear explanation. These encounters are often humorous, highlighting how some people still struggle to grasp modern family structures.
5. The Moral Crusaders: Thankfully, I haven’t encountered many of these individuals in my experiences. They are the ones who feel compelled to vocalize their disapproval, often citing religious beliefs or societal norms. They might try to intimidate or question our legitimacy as parents. However, my experience has shown these characters are more of a specter than a reality, perhaps much more common in less progressive areas.

Before becoming a dad, I was apprehensive about facing these various reactions. Instead of allowing fear to deter me from parenthood, I chose to prepare myself with informative responses to any potential negativity. I’ve even crafted speeches to address any concerns that may arise.

If you see Alex and me with our twins, don’t hesitate to come over and say hi! We genuinely enjoy meeting new people and sharing our story, and it helps our kids feel special. Whatever your initial reaction may be, I promise I’ll be ready for it.

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In summary, being a gay dad comes with its own set of challenges and rewards. The reactions of others can range from enthusiastic support to awkward confusion, but ultimately, the love for our children remains the same across all families.