20 Indications You Might Be an ‘Older’ Mom

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The recent news of actress Linda Carter, at 54, welcoming her fifth child sparked conversations online about the joys of becoming a parent later in life. Statistics confirm that an increasing number of women are choosing to have children in their later years, which is evident in playgrounds, daycare centers, and even at PTA meetings.

As someone who had her third child at 39, I find myself categorized as a member of the “advanced maternal age” club — a term that’s as delightful as it is awkward. While motherhood is a beautiful journey at any age, being an older mom can come with its own set of unique challenges, especially in a culture that often idolizes youth. Humor and camaraderie with fellow moms in similar situations help me navigate this phase of life.

Here’s a light-hearted look at some signs that you might be an older mom (especially if you’re not one of those glamorous stars with personal trainers and cosmetic surgeons).

Signs You Might Be an Older Mom:

1. You realize that the commercials during your favorite shows are about incontinence products or mobility scooters.
2. You’ve reluctantly purchased that bathing suit with a skirt because it feels more comfortable.
3. You’re tech-savvy enough to embarrass your teenager by accidentally “liking” a cringe-worthy post on social media.
4. You often question why school starts so early when you’re barely functioning before your morning coffee.
5. Large necklaces have become your secret weapon to draw attention away from your facial wrinkles.
6. Your family vacations have turned into multi-generational outings with your 10-year-old and your 85-year-old mother.
7. Getting up from the bleachers at your child’s game feels like a serious workout for your knees.
8. Your period has morphed from a monthly occurrence to something more akin to a lingering pause.
9. The thought of your nightly skincare routine fills you with dread—who knew you’d have to care for your décolleté too?
10. You always pack your sunglasses to conceal droopy eyelids for any unexpected photos.
11. Your medicine cabinet resembles a pharmacy stocked with everything from pain relief to vitamin D and an arsenal of wrinkle creams.
12. The teen heartthrob you once adored is now a senior citizen.
13. You sometimes forget to prepare dinner for your youngest, the last child still at home.
14. Extreme makeover shows have you jotting down plastic surgeon contact info for your own future.
15. You feel a surge of irritation when a store clerk who appears to be around your age calls you “sweetie.”
16. Makeup has shifted from a light dab to a full coverage routine to mask those imperfections.
17. You’ve traded your OB/GYN for just a GYN as your needs have changed.
18. Attending a PTA meeting now comes with the hope that you won’t be the oldest mom in the room.
19. You can’t be trusted around credit cards during infomercials about weight loss or wrinkle reduction.
20. You haven’t read any instructions in the last three years because the print is just too small.

This article was originally published on July 17, 2018.

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Summary:

Embracing the journey of motherhood later in life comes with its unique quirks and challenges. From navigating early school schedules to dealing with changes in your body, older moms often find humor in their experiences. This light-hearted list captures some of the telltale signs that you might find yourself identifying with.