Updated: August 21, 2023
Originally Published: June 6, 2023
Forget about gimmicks like loss leaders and buy-one-get-one-free deals! Every mother, equipped with her clever strategies and psychological finesse, knows just how to get what she desires and achieve her objectives. With unparalleled skill, we can close the deal, pocket our well-deserved rewards, and seamlessly transition to our next “client.” Here are ten standout methods that showcase why mothers are the ultimate saleswomen:
- Buy One, Get Much More: You arrive at the pediatrician’s office for Sophie’s cough and casually mention, “Since we’re here, could you also check Liam’s ears, take a look at this rash on Maya, and while you’re at it, fit me for that IUD?”
- Same, Same but Different: Announce that you’re whipping up Johnny’s favorite pasta and meatballs for dinner. But upon closer inspection, the “pasta” is actually zucchini noodles, and the “meatballs” are more like a meatloaf with hidden veggies. But hey, it all counts as food once it’s on the plate, right?
- The Fateful Misprint: Text your partner to rush home because you have a surprise “massage” waiting for him. Once he arrives and gets settled, inform him, “Oh, that was a typo! I meant ‘MESSAGE.’” Then deliver the news that your mom is moving in for the summer, and he needs to convert the garage into a guest room.
- Creative Ordering: While dining at a high-end Italian restaurant, tell the waiter that your child isn’t too hungry, so you’ll just share your gourmet pizza. Then, one by one, request A) a side of tomatoes B) grated cheese C) some shredded carrots D) extra ranch dressing. Only the most astute waitstaff will realize you’ve just assembled a full meal for your child!
- Contests, Sweepstakes & Prizes: Announce that all participants in “The Quiet Game” will earn $5, and multiple winners are encouraged! Plus, “Find mommy’s missing items! Today, my sunglasses are worth three Oreos, my phone = an extra juice box, and discovering my lost book gets you a night at McDonald’s!”
- Renaming & Repackaging: Broccoli? Not in this house! It’s now “little trees.” And veggie juice? That’s “Hulk soda.” Everything healthy is served on colorful sticks with a side of ranch dressing – even fruits and vitamins!
- Hurry! Offer Won’t Last: Use phrases like, “If you’re not downstairs and ready before I count to ten, the car leaves without you.” Or, “If you two can’t stop arguing, I’ll make the final call, and trust me, you won’t like it. This is your last chance to sort it out!”
- Instant Markdowns: “Alright, you don’t have to finish the whole thing, but can you just take five more bites?” There’s also, “I’m not obligated to take you to fun places or buy cool toys. All I need to do is feed and clothe you!”
- Warranties & Replacements: “If you throw that toy and it breaks, there won’t be a replacement.” And, “I guarantee that when I’m gone, you’ll wish you had treated me better.”
- Car Dealership Negotiating: Start with a classic Assumptive Close: “Do you want to stop kicking my seat now or after you lose your tablet?” And don’t forget the clever negotiation: “If you agree to behave this week, I’ll throw in a trip to Disneyland complete with ice cream and cotton candy!”
If only these innate skills could be listed on a resume, you’d definitely be a top candidate for a high-level management position. Meanwhile, your household might just be in search of a CEO, and trust me, they won’t find anyone more qualified!
For further insights on navigating parenting challenges, check out this other blog post for resources on home insemination kits from a reputable retailer. You might also find valuable information about pregnancy and home insemination at this CDC resource.
In summary, the art of persuasion is a talent honed by mothers everywhere. Through creativity and psychological tactics, they manage to turn everyday parenting challenges into opportunities for success.
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