Lately, I’ve found myself engrossed in “The Americans,” a gripping series filled with espionage and 80s nostalgia. While it’s thrilling, it has made me a bit paranoid—who might be eavesdropping?
If anyone were to listen in on our family, they might assume we’ve vanished. We often embrace silence, reminiscent of a grandmother who trails off in thought, or perhaps a group of sleepyheads. Yet, we definitely have our raucous moments—shouting to be heard over the “Moana” tunes, the spontaneous symphony of LeapFrog toys, or the spirited disputes between my twins over their toys. However, the most profound exchanges happen in the quiet.
My eldest, Ben, is nearly nonverbal. He combines words from his communication device with flashcards, sign language, and expressive gestures. It’s mesmerizing to observe him; it feels like a delicate performance, always leading to an exciting conclusion. But when he’s exhausted from trying to express himself, we simplify things. We play a “yes-no” game where I hold up my hands and ask:
Me: “Ben, would you prefer Cheerios (left hand) or raisins (right hand)?”
Ben: Points to my left hand.
Me: “Alright, do you want to read ‘Curious George’ after your snack (left hand) or ‘Madeline’ (right hand)?”
Ben: Nibbles on a Cheerio, then taps my right hand.
It’s quick and feels like a game. While it may not be the most effective means of communication for him, it serves its purpose.
The twins, on the other hand, can be unnerving in their quiet moments. If the house falls silent and they’re out of sight, I know something’s amiss—often resulting in chaos that will leave the carpet or walls forever altered. Their silent exchanges, which I can witness, often hint at plans to take over the household or give the dog a surprise haircut. They share a secret language, a frequency only they can hear, prompting me to wave my hands in front of their faces as if trying to clear a fog.
My partner and I share our own silent communication too. At 7:30 p.m., when bedtime approaches and chaos reigns with no one in pajamas and everyone requesting a second dessert, a simple nod can communicate so much. Together we navigate these moments, united.
This is the unique dynamic of our family. Our “normal” consists of waves of noise interspersed with long stretches of silence where the most important connections occur. It’s a language of unspoken understanding. Many families with children with special needs experience this; you can’t truly grasp it unless you live it. You must participate in the narrative to understand its peculiarities.
Because for us, just because it’s unvoiced, doesn’t mean it’s unsaid.
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Summary:
Navigating communication with a nonverbal child presents unique challenges and joys. Through creative methods like gestures and simple games, families can connect deeply beyond spoken words. The dynamics of silence and shared understanding play a crucial role in fostering meaningful relationships within families, especially those with special needs children.