After stepping into the role of motherhood, I quickly discovered that many aspects of parenting were glossed over in the well-meaning baby shower advice. For example, no one warned me about the countless hours I would spend discussing and fretting over my child’s bowel movements. The nuances of baby poop—its color, consistency, and frequency—become surprisingly significant in early motherhood, a revelation I was unprepared for. I also had no inkling that being a responsible mom often translates into being an unreliable employee.
I anticipated occasional absences from work, but I underestimated just how many days I would miss once I had a couple of kids in tow. Spoiler alert: It’s a staggering amount.
Missing work is particularly challenging for someone like me, who is a recovering perfectionist. I label myself as “recovering” because motherhood doesn’t allow for perfection. Trust me, the sooner you accept this reality, the better off you’ll be. It took me nearly a year to relinquish my control-freak tendencies and accept motherhood as the beautiful, chaotic journey that it is. Even though I’ve learned to be more adaptable, I’ve always believed that if you commit to something, you should strive to excel.
While I may not be flawless, I consider myself a great mom about 80% of the time, with the remaining 20% being more mediocre. However, sometimes being a dedicated mom means I have to sacrifice my role as an employee. This can be a delicate balance; I want to excel in both areas, but often I find myself prioritizing one over the other. When faced with the choice between being a committed employee or a nurturing mother, my children will always take precedence. My job holds significance for me, but motherhood is my primary calling.
It’s not that I aspire to be unreliable; in fact, I despise it. I frequently have to cancel on my colleagues for various reasons related to my two children. Between class parties, field trips, sick days (oh, the sick days!), and doctor appointments, it’s common for me to miss work a few times each month. When I’m at the office, I give it my all—I truly enjoy my job and strive to be a valuable team member—but I refuse to prioritize work over my family.
Another aspect no one mentioned is just how often kids fall ill. While I understand they’re building their immune systems, the sheer number of viruses is overwhelming. Why don’t pediatricians offer punch cards for all these visits? I feel as if I should have earned a free one by now. From strep throat to influenza, hand, foot, and mouth disease, pink eye, and countless ear infections, my children seem to catch every bug imaginable.
While I hate missing work due to my kids’ illnesses, my role as their mother compels me to be there whenever possible—even if it means calling in sick or, heaven forbid, risking my job. It’s just not an option for me. Besides, there aren’t many people eager to take care of my contagious little ones, even if I were determined to make it to work. They are my top priority, and that will never change.
I’m fortunate to have a solid support system to lean on during tough times, but more often than not, I miss work for events I genuinely want to attend. I relish field trips, class parties, baseball games, Muffins With Mom, and Preschool Graduation. These experiences are the joys of motherhood I’ve always dreamed of participating in.
I recognize that not all mothers have the luxury to miss work, especially when financial responsibilities loom. The definition of being a good mom varies for everyone, and we each do what is necessary to care for our children.
I may be seen as unreliable at work, but I’m a devoted mother, and I will always choose to be there for my kids, even if it means stepping away from my job.
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Summary:
Being a dedicated mother often requires sacrifices in the workplace. As a recovering perfectionist, I’ve learned to prioritize my children over my job, even if it means being an unreliable employee. While missing work is challenging, experiences like field trips and school events are irreplaceable moments in motherhood. Each mother’s journey is unique, and we do what it takes to care for our kids.