How often do we hear our teenagers bombarded with messages about what they lack? You aren’t focused. You aren’t trying hard enough. You aren’t good at this or that. The weight of these negative affirmations can be overwhelming. Yet, how often do we take a moment to highlight what they truly are?
As a parent, there’s nothing quite like gathering around the dinner table with my daughter and her friends. We delve into discussions about current events, personal struggles, relationships, and of course, food. These young people have been a part of our family dynamics for years, and I cherish every laugh and debate around the table.
This past weekend, as conversations flowed, I couldn’t help but reflect on the pressures teenagers face. Often, they’re surrounded by voices that emphasize their shortcomings — from peers at school to coaches who focus solely on what they can improve rather than celebrating their achievements. The pressure to conform to expectations can lead to a cycle of self-doubt.
Yes, the “Ifs” and “Then’s” are familiar. If you follow the rules, you won’t hear about what you aren’t. But let’s pause for a moment. Who do you admire that has perfectly followed the rules? Did you always toe the line? I certainly didn’t.
I appreciate my own journey and the effort I put into personal growth. So I believe my daughter and her friends will be just fine even if they don’t always meet every expectation.
Instead of constantly pointing out their limitations, I aim to guide them toward discovering their strengths. I wish for them to embrace their qualities and talents. These attributes will become their lifeline during tough times—when they face rejection, loss, or uncertainty.
If the home is yet another place where they hear about their deficits, they may stop seeking comfort there. Mistakes are not the end; they’re merely stepping stones toward discovering one’s true self. Your capabilities don’t fade away just because others overlook them.
You might not excel in every subject, but you could be an amazing storyteller. You may not be the star athlete, but you could possess exceptional tech skills. There’s power in acknowledging both sides of the coin.
The word “but” tends to diminish our strengths, while “and” allows us to recognize that both can coexist. We should remind our teens that their gifts will always outweigh their flaws if they hear it from trusted voices in their lives.
So, my dear ones, always remember your strengths. You can return home to find reassurance in who you are. In our space, you ARE. In our home, we ARE. When the external noise becomes too loud, know that my voice will always welcome you back.
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In summary, it’s crucial to foster an environment where teens are reminded of their strengths, allowing them to thrive in a world that often highlights their weaknesses.