Marriage is often described as one of the most challenging endeavors we undertake in life. If you believe that your relationship is free of difficulties simply because you love your spouse dearly, I encourage you to reconsider. Even the most joyful couples encounter moments when they contemplate giving up. Staying committed is a daily choice, and some days that choice feels heavier than others.
The struggle of marriage lies in the complexity of life itself. Relationships demand effort—real, gritty, sometimes overwhelming effort. From juggling finances and home repairs to managing the responsibilities of parenthood, the days of carefree living are long gone. Couples can easily slip into the roles of mere roommates, losing that spark that once ignited their connection. The choice is clear: partners can either grow together or drift apart.
As a therapist, relationship expert, and someone who has been married for nearly 23 years, I’ve witnessed the dissolution of unions I thought would endure. It’s heart-wrenching to see couples part ways, reminding us that no one is exempt from the challenges of marriage.
I’ve experienced the ups and downs of my own relationship, and I understand the work involved in maintaining attraction. It’s not easy to feel enamored with someone who burps, snores, or experiences the less glamorous aspects of life. We see our partners at their most vulnerable moments, which can make it difficult to maintain that initial allure.
The statistics surrounding divorce rates are hotly debated, but one thing is certain: they are higher than we would like to believe. This reality means that we are all susceptible to the possibility of separation—whether it affects us directly or those close to us, like neighbors, friends, or even family. It could be the charming couple at church or the parents who seem to have it all together.
After observing so many couples face challenges, I’ve come to a significant realization: it’s time for change. I crave that initial spark again. I long for the feeling of being a teenager in love. I want butterflies in my stomach and that exhilarating sense of mystery. Here’s my plan: I want to have an affair… with my husband.
I want him to know that he is on my mind throughout the day. Of course, I’ll be thinking about practical matters like dinner or who will take our daughter to volleyball practice, but I also want him to know how attractive I find him, how proud I am, and yes, that he still has a nice physique. I want him to feel appreciated and desired. I want to send playful texts that make him grin and remind him that my feelings for him haven’t faded over time.
I’ll express my admiration for him, even if it’s just his natural scent or the remnants of lunch. I plan to set aside distractions when he returns home, genuinely engaging him in conversation and showing my interest in his day. I want our interactions to be filled with playful winks and genuine affection.
I refuse to slip into the role of a caretaker or a critic. I don’t want to be just roommates who pass by each other without acknowledgment. Instead, I aspire to be the partner he desires, someone who makes him feel needed and cherished, even when life gets hectic.
This “affair” is more about reigniting that sense of excitement and connection than anything physical. It’s about fostering a deep emotional bond and prioritizing our happiness over complacency. It’s about rediscovering myself while also enhancing our relationship.
I envision a romantic and adventurous journey together (think age-appropriate adventures, of course). I want to infuse our lives with spontaneity and passion, reminding one another that love can still be vibrant, even after years and three children.
So, if you see me out shopping for something flirty or enjoying a dance with my husband, please understand. Don’t judge if I steal a playful moment in public or leave a sweet note on his car. I’m committing to this affair with the man I chose and who knows me intimately. I’m all in, not because our marriage is faltering, but because he deserves the effort, and our relationship matters.
For more insights into the journey of parenthood, you can explore additional resources, including this article and this one, which provide valuable information on home insemination. For a deeper understanding of pregnancy and family planning, visit the CDC.
In summary, I’m determined to revive that spark in my marriage, seeking connection and affection with my husband. This journey is all about prioritizing love and intimacy, ensuring we don’t just coexist but thrive as partners.