My partner Alex and I both work full-time. Our children are enrolled in daycare, preschool, and elementary school. They attend before-school and after-school programs since our jobs require us to start early and finish late. During summer, our kids participate in camps, and throughout the year, they engage in extracurricular activities, weekend sports, and playdates. We’re constantly shuttling them around, ensuring they’re happy, well-fed, and enjoying life.
While we both desire some time apart—Alex to golf or tackle yard work, and me to indulge in pedicures, shopping, or simply wandering around CVS—finding moments for just the two of us often feels like an insurmountable challenge.
This issue has been a source of tension for a while. With Alex’s demanding hours and my fatigue after managing a full workday followed by my responsibilities as a mom, our time together dwindled. We attempted to elevate our shared TV time into something special, but it never felt sufficient.
To address this, we added a recurring “date night” to our joint calendar, scheduled for every month. Although we do manage to go out more frequently, we realized that if we didn’t designate a specific night for us, our plans could easily get lost in the shuffle of daily life. Even if our date night doesn’t always result in an outing, it serves as a powerful reminder of the need to cultivate our relationship.
Yet, when we do find ourselves together, I often feel that genuine connection remains elusive. Just last night, I attempted to have a conversation with Alex while we were on the couch, but he barely responded. When I brought up planning our family trip for the summer, he asked me to hold on while he finished a work task.
I shouldn’t have let it frustrate me, but the context matters. We had previously agreed to manage our work commitments outside of our time together. For instance, I go to bed early so Alex can catch up on work after I’m asleep. However, this was after an exceptionally busy few weeks for him in finance, marked by late nights and the need for him to retreat to his office to finish tasks. I suppose I became weary of hearing, “Just a moment,” after weeks of it.
What’s the solution?
Should I simply accept this as our reality? Will we ever find more time for each other? Am I being unreasonable in my expectations?
I don’t want to come off as demanding or focus solely on the negatives in our relationship; after all, Alex has many admirable qualities. He helps with the kids, comes home early whenever possible, and steps up in critical moments. Both of us are navigating demanding careers—mine is less intense, but the dual responsibilities of work and parenting are certainly equitable. I’m left wondering if asking for more togetherness is too much.
Does anyone else struggle with this equilibrium? It seems like these conversations are often avoided among mom friends, as nobody wants to be perceived as merely complaining about their partners. However, I believe we’re all searching for solutions. If I discover a way to improve our situation, I’ll be sure to share it with you, so you won’t have to embark on that awkward chat with your mom friends.
Resources for Further Insights
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Conclusion
In summary, balancing work and family life is a challenge for dual-income households. The struggle to find time for each other amidst the demands of parenting and professional responsibilities is common. Establishing dedicated time for your relationship can be beneficial, but it’s also essential to communicate openly about needs and frustrations.