I have a 13-year-old son who is currently driving me up the wall. He was once my playful little sidekick, but now he’s this lanky, reclusive teenager sporting a mustache. I find myself at a loss about how to engage with him. After a long weekend of basketball that stirred up a whirlwind of emotions, I realized my once-effective mom powers of comfort and understanding had vanished. I needed a fresh strategy to navigate this transition as he approaches 14.
So, I decided to consult my therapist for guidance. Our session unfolded like this:
Me: I know teenagers can be moody and overly concerned with their image. I also get that my “cool” factor vanished the moment he hit his teenage years. But I need to know how to approach him.
Also Me: And when should I worry that he’s crossed the line from typical teenage behavior into something more troubling?
Therapist: If the school starts reaching out about bad behavior, cheating, or fighting, or if the police get involved, that’s when you should step in. If you catch a whiff of weed from his room, that’s another red flag.
Me: But what do I do until then? He spends so much time in his room and keeps everything about school to himself. How can I stay informed?
Therapist: I have a metaphor that might resonate. I’m not sure who coined it, but it’s helpful. Picture a puppy. The puppy is thrilled to see you, trails you everywhere, licks your face, snuggles up to you, and relies on you for food and walks. Then, suddenly, you turn around, and you have a cat.
Me: *puzzled expression* So, my son is a cat?
Therapist: Exactly! Cats are independent and often aloof. They occasionally deign to acknowledge you, but only when they need something. They might even hiss for no reason and dart away at a moment’s notice.
Me: *lightbulb moment* My son is a cat! This makes sense now. If I view him as a cat rather than a puppy, I’ll have a clearer approach to interacting with him. I may not love it, but I understand it.
Therapist: And don’t fret; he will eventually return to a more dog-like demeanor. He won’t be that little puppy who constantly follows you, but the aloofness will fade.
Me: So, in the meantime, I treat him like a cat, giving him space and attending to him when he needs me. This is so bizarre, but I’m definitely sharing this insight with my friends who are also parenting teenagers.
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In summary, understanding that your teenager may act like an aloof cat rather than a cuddly puppy can help you adjust your parenting approach. By giving them space and engaging when necessary, you can navigate this complex stage of their lives more effectively.