As a 40-year-old man, I’ve spent my fair share of time in men’s rooms. In the rare moments when I’m not trying to avoid the view of older gentlemen who seem to take pleasure in lounging about in the buff, I’ve had various chats with both friends and acquaintances. However, I can confidently say that I’ve never found myself discussing, let alone boasting about, any experiences or tactics related to sexual assault—neither in a men’s room nor anywhere else.
Let’s be clear: the term “locker room talk” doesn’t have to be confined to a physical locker room. It simply refers to the kind of discussions that happen when men gather in private settings—whether it’s in a basement, at a poker night, or in a dive bar—just a group of guys sharing laughs and stories.
Sure, guys can be crude. Among themselves, they often engage in a childish competition over who can tell the funniest or most outrageous story, or who’s the most successful. It’s juvenile and, frankly, pretty sad. In those heightened moments, we may say things we wouldn’t normally express, often just to blow off steam. But what I’ve never encountered is a guy casually recounting his methods for sexual assault, much less someone like Jake boasting about it in front of a camera, as we saw with Trump.
Most men I know don’t talk that way because they don’t live that way. They’re not predators or cheaters. Sure, there are men who think and act like Trump, and some seem eager to support him, but they are not the majority. Most of us respect women and wouldn’t joke about such serious subjects, even in private settings. You don’t have to have a sister or daughter to treat women with dignity; empathy doesn’t require personal connections.
It’s disappointing that someone nominated for the presidency—who is a father to sons and daughters—would still hold such archaic views. His behavior shows he hasn’t matured past high school insecurities. But the real problem goes beyond distasteful banter; it’s about the nature of what was discussed. Trump wasn’t merely objectifying women; he was laying out his strategies for assaulting them, while Jake laughed along.
If I had ever heard a man talk about forcing himself on someone, whether in a men’s room or anywhere else, I would have left that conversation immediately. I certainly wouldn’t vote for someone like that.
What Trump and Jake engaged in was not locker room talk; it was the casual rhetoric of someone who sees women as objects to be used. This is not how most men communicate. That’s the language of criminals, the kind of talk that breeds a culture of disrespect.
Trump uses the term “locker room talk” because for him, a privileged, wealthy man, the world has always been his playground. Thankfully, though, it seems he is finally being held accountable for his actions, one revelation at a time.
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In summary, the notion of “locker room talk” is a misnomer for what should be serious conversations regarding respect and consent. We should strive to improve our dialogue and recognize that the language we use reflects our values and beliefs.