As a mother, my goal is to raise my daughter to be compassionate, considerate of others, and inclusive. I also want her to have the confidence to defend herself when necessary—metaphorically speaking, of course. At just ten years old, she is already learning how to navigate a world filled with complex gender dynamics. It’s alarming to witness the sense of entitlement displayed by some boys around her. I find myself guiding her on how to “deal with it,” which underscores the importance of her developing the self-assurance to stand her ground.
Teaching my daughter how to confidently exist in this world without feeling the need to apologize for her presence is my responsibility. My influence will stem not only from my actions but equally from the words I choose to use. The language I employ as a mother and as a professional holds great weight; it can become her internal dialogue. The words we select can also hinder our progress in the workplace. I am committed to ensuring that what my daughter hears from me today positively impacts her future. These early lessons will ideally help her remain true to herself and reduce the chances of self-sabotage as a woman.
Certain terms are used far too frequently, often without us realizing it. These words should be eliminated from our vocabulary. The three words I aim to stop using are: flawless, merely, and small.
Flawless
|ˈflɔːləs| adjective. Without any imperfections; perfect.
I must admit that I often use this term. Whenever my children proudly show me their creations—be it art, stories, or anything else—I find myself exclaiming, “I adore it! It’s flawless!” By tossing around the word flawless, I unintentionally promote a mindset of perfectionism. I’ve navigated that road, and I know that chasing perfection is neither pretty nor attainable. As a parent and a professional, I recognize there’s no place for such an unrealistic standard in my life. If I’m not flawless myself, what lesson am I imparting to my daughter when I label her efforts as flawless? Am I equipping her to handle mediocrity?
This word is unnecessary, and there are countless alternatives to express appreciation. Furthermore, I notice that it’s rare for men to use this term. Men are generally comfortable offering constructive feedback without labeling things as flawless. The last time I heard my partner use this word was when he was reminiscing about my pre-baby figure—rightly so, they were quite impressive!
Merely
|ˈmɪrli| adverb. Just; only.
In many instances, adding merely to a statement can diminish its importance. You wouldn’t hear someone say, “It is merely a serious illness,” since the word undermines the gravity of the statement.
In professional settings, I have consciously decided to stop using this term. As women, we don’t owe anyone justification for our actions. Phrases such as, “I’m merely checking in” or “I was merely about to say…” only serve to undermine our presence and contributions. We must navigate this world with the same confidence as our male counterparts; therefore, we shouldn’t feel the need to justify our words or actions.
Another point to consider? Men don’t use this term. They don’t email me with apologies for following up or excuse themselves when sharing their opinions. Thus, we should follow suit.
Small
|smɔːl| adjective. Little in size, scope, or degree.
Ladies, let’s stop using this word to describe ourselves or our lives. We have a rich vocabulary at our disposal that can express so much more about who we are. Yes, my son may be small in stature, but that’s merely a fact about his height. Outside of discussing physical size, there’s no need for this term. Descriptions such as, “her small bag,” “his small friend,” or “my small family” carry a connotation that can come off as condescending. Even worse, when we apply it to ourselves, it conveys an apologetic tone.
The language we choose directly influences our actions and how we’re perceived by others. By changing how we think about these words and how we use them, we can transform our interactions with the world. If these adjustments have been beneficial for me, I can only hope they will offer similar advantages for my daughter.
For further insights on this topic, you might find the article on intracervical insemination enlightening. Additionally, Make a Mom is a fantastic resource for couples on their fertility journey. For comprehensive guidelines on pregnancy, check out the CDC website.
Summary
The author discusses three words—flawless, merely, and small—that she plans to eliminate from her vocabulary to foster a more empowering environment for her daughter. Each word is critiqued for its potential negative implications, particularly in shaping perceptions of self-worth and capability in both personal and professional contexts. The piece advocates for conscious language use as a means of empowering future generations.