“Alright, time for sleep!” I called out with all the patience I could muster. I understand you’re not ready, but the hour has come. Please, for the love of all that is holy, return your shoes and socks to their rightful spots. Both shoes, and all the socks. I can tell they aren’t mine!
Now, off you go to brush those little teeth of yours. And leave your sister alone! Don’t forget the toothpaste—seriously, don’t start a wrestling match in there. Brush your teeth already! You’re finished? Really? Nice try! I can see that you’ve got “sweater teeth.” Now rinse and do it again.
That’s better! Now, can we tidy up the bathroom? Whose boxers are these on the floor? And please, for the love of all that is good, remember to flush the toilet! Ugh, wipe that toothpaste mess in the sink while you’re at it. I mean it, flush the toilet!
Now go say goodnight to Mom. Hugs and kisses, but enough with the TV. That’s more than enough affection for now. Into bed, please! And stop poking your sister! Yes, I’ll tuck you in.
You already said goodnight to her, remember? A hug is sufficient—kiss her goodnight in the morning. Fine, one more hug! That’s it; it’s over. Let go, please. I love you too, but no more hugs or kisses. Good night!
You already have water in your room; it’s not old! Well, fine, but no ice and hurry up! No more hugs or kisses; just take your water and get into bed. What’s for dinner tomorrow? I have no idea! Now, back to bed.
You can’t possibly have a bad dream in two minutes. Trust me—it’s not happening. Now, turn on your closet light, but no, I won’t re-tuck you. If it makes you sad, bring it up on Family Day at therapy. Good night! Love you too.
And just like that, morning rolls around. “Wakey wakey! Time to get up for school!” I say with a hint of cheer. Get dressed. I’ll see you downstairs in ten minutes. Too tired to get out of bed, huh? Well, maybe you should’ve gone to bed earlier. Now make that eight minutes!
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Summary:
This playful monologue captures the nightly routine of a parent trying to usher children to bed amid the usual chaos. From reminding them to brush their teeth to managing the sibling bickering, the struggle is real but relatable for many. The morning brings its own challenges, but with a little humor, it’s all part of the adventure of parenting.
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