I keep an eye on my kids’ text messages, instant messages, direct messages, and even linger around during their FaceTime calls. I don’t do it stealthily; I’m right there in plain sight.
This isn’t about being an overbearing parent. Honestly, sometimes I feel overwhelmed by the trivial drama unfolding in their chats, like the endless discussions about someone’s comment in math class. We had it different when we were young—limited access to phones, no smartphones in our backpacks, and definitely no mini-computers at our fingertips. I remember how thrilled I was when I received a novelty phone shaped like a piano. Back then, privacy was a luxury; if I was on the phone, my siblings would be clamoring for their turn outside my closed door. So when did we decide that today’s kids “deserve” more privacy than we did?
I never viewed my lack of privacy as a violation of my growth into adulthood. My parents were there to guide me, instilling values and boundaries. In this era of smartphones, that duty remains imperative. That’s why my children sign a contract when they get their devices, acknowledging that their phones are family property and subject to inspection at any time. It’s straightforward: If you’re sending something you wouldn’t want me to see, you probably know it’s not right.
Some might label me as a helicopter parent, but the truth is, I often know more about your child’s behavior when you’re not watching than you do. My daughter might roll her eyes when I check her phone, but this practice has proven to be one of the most effective parenting strategies I’ve employed.
The beauty of this approach is that it fosters openness. Since my daughter understands I’ll see what she’s communicating anyway, and that I won’t react with panic over things she shares, she tends to disclose more than I could ever uncover on my own. For instance, she informed me when a boy asked her to send a compromising picture, even showing me the text exchange with your daughter where he made similar requests. Did you know he suggested things to her that required a Google search to understand?
I’ve learned that your athletic daughter is skipping meals to lose weight, and your son, the class clown, is suffering from bullying. I’ve seen your quiet daughter make a thoughtless joke on social media that could have serious consequences.
These are the so-called “good” kids—my children and yours. If you’re wondering why youth suicide rates are rising, I urge you to consider stepping into your child’s online world. You might be shocked by what you discover.
I’ve been taken aback by the sides of these kids that I had never imagined. The acronyms and slang can be bewildering, but rather than judging, we use these messages as starting points for meaningful conversations. I don’t solve their problems for them; I help guide them through their challenges so they can learn from their experiences.
This isn’t a flawless system. There are days when it feels tedious and frustrating. It’s a chaotic process for an educated adult—imagine how your child navigates the daily onslaught of messages. What are you doing to engage with them about it?
You may think you’d want to know if your child was communicating something concerning, but I challenge that notion. When I’ve brought issues to the attention of other parents, the responses I’ve received range from denial to discomfort, which can strain relationships. Ultimately, I’ve realized it’s not my responsibility to parent your kids.
I would bet my next paycheck—and the remaining ¾ of my favorite wine—that there’s something on your child’s phone or social media that would surprise and concern you. If you don’t actively engage with your child’s life now, don’t be shocked when they become someone you hardly recognize.
Here’s a dose of reality: Your child can be a jerk. Mine has said things that make me cringe, reminding me how grateful I am that my old notes were easily discarded and not saved in cyberspace. No one likes to hear negative things about their children, but if we don’t learn who they are behind the screens, we’re setting the next generation up for failure.
In conclusion, maintaining an open dialogue with your kids about their digital lives is crucial. It’s not about invading their privacy; it’s about creating a safe space for understanding and guidance. For more insights on parenting and insemination, check out the home insemination kit from a trusted source like Make A Mom.