According to the CDC, approximately 1 in 10 women will exhibit symptoms of postpartum depression (PPD), with some estimates suggesting that the number may reach as high as 1 in 5. Given these figures, it’s likely that you know someone who is grappling with the challenges of postpartum depression or anxiety.
After giving birth, new mothers receive ample information about the baby blues and PPD, yet many believe they are immune to such struggles. I certainly thought so. Postpartum depression took me by surprise, but with medical assistance and the unwavering support of my friends and family, I have managed to reclaim my life. Now, more than six months after the birth of my son, Alex, those overwhelming days of PPD feel like a distant memory, allowing me to share insights that may help others.
If someone close to you is facing PPD, here are some thoughts to consider, stemming from my personal journey with this complex mood disorder.
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Her Love for the Baby is Boundless
It might not seem that way at times. She may not express the nurturing behaviors you anticipated, such as wanting to cuddle, feed, or hold her baby. It’s crucial to understand that she is deeply conflicted; loving her child while feeling detached is an incredibly painful paradox. This internal struggle can be bewildering and heart-wrenching. -
Recovery Isn’t as Simple as “Snapping Out of It”
She is dealing with a serious condition—much like battling the flu, she requires medical support. Reminding her to focus on the positive or suggesting she should just get over it is not helpful. If she could overcome it on her own, she would. Just as with any illness, professional help can lead to recovery. -
Her Anxieties are Very Valid
During my own experience, simple actions, like my partner turning on the bathroom light, would trigger immense anxiety. I would convince myself he was being inconsiderate, fearing he’d wake the baby. It wasn’t until I began to heal that I recognized how irrational these thoughts were, yet in the moment, they felt dire. Understand that her fears, however unfounded, are very real to her at this time. -
She Desperately Wants Relief
The feeling of being trapped in her own mind can be unbearable. I often expressed a desire to escape my own skin during my darkest moments. While she may not believe it, remind her that this phase will not define her forever. Tell her you’ll believe in her strength if she cannot. -
She Understands Your Struggles as Well
It’s natural to feel overwhelmed by her sadness. While being supportive, remember to care for yourself too. It’s okay to seek respite; being around someone who is perpetually downcast can be draining. Encourage her to engage with someone else while you take a moment for yourself. It’s perfectly acceptable to recharge and experience joy again.
The good news? She will rediscover her joy and laughter. The person you know and love will return, and she will emerge stronger and more resilient. Your role is to be there for her—encourage her to see a doctor, take walks together, or simply lend a comforting hug. Taking care of the baby or helping with chores can alleviate some of her burdens. Above all, remind her that everything will be alright, and don’t forget to prioritize your own well-being in the process.
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Summary
Postpartum depression is a serious condition that affects many new mothers. It can cause profound emotional struggles, making it difficult for them to connect with their newborns, despite their deep love. Recovery requires understanding, support, and medical assistance. It’s essential for loved ones to recognize the complexities of PPD while also taking care of their own mental health. With time and support, mothers can and will find their way back to joy.