June 27, 2009, marked the most joyful day of my life. The sun shone brilliantly, but my heart radiated even more warmth as I prepared to say “I do!” to my best friend and the love of my life.
Instead of exchanging traditional gifts, we chose to give each other the gift of our words. We made a promise to write letters to one another, to be delivered at the church on our wedding morning. My heart fluttered as I read his heartfelt words: “You have been my companion, my best friend, and my true love since the day we met. I promise to love you more each day.” Those words, so genuine and sincere, made me realize how deeply I was loved. With my best friend by my side, I felt invincible.
Fast forward to the arrival of our second child, and somewhere along the journey, we lost sight of each other. Life threw its challenges our way — the highs, the lows, the losses, and the joys of bringing two beautiful children into the world. Amid career shifts and financial struggles, we thought we were still connected. After all, we were still sharing “I love you’s” and living under the same roof. But the reality was stark; we were merely coexisting, not truly connecting.
Then, in a whirlwind of events, the word “divorce” was uttered in our home, mere hours after a simple goodbye kiss. How did our relationship transform from an inseparable bond to functioning like two machines? My husband is a private person, while I share my life through writing. What I’m about to share is deeply personal yet resonates with many couples.
We decided to separate. After nine years together, being apart was a shock. I had never spent more than three days away from my best friend. What had gone so wrong that we couldn’t even share the same space? I felt as if I couldn’t breathe, overwhelmed by the weight of unanswered questions.
During our two-week separation, we revisited the feelings that had initially drawn us together. We realized that it took almost losing each other to truly find ourselves again. Love is uncomplicated when life is smooth, but once you add children and the complexities of adult life, your bond is put to the test. I don’t blame parenting for our struggles, nor do I credit it for our happiness. Marriage requires effort, and it became clear that our relationship needed to be prioritized above all else. When life becomes chaotic, your best friend can feel like a stranger, which is terrifying.
We confronted our issues directly and came to a shared understanding: we were better together than apart. We are a team, and no one understands me like my husband does. Nothing was so severe that it warranted separation.
So how did I nearly lose my best friend, and how did we find our way back to each other, stronger than ever?
Marriage Requires Three
When we wed, my late grandmother gifted us a plaque inscribed with the poem “Marriage Takes Three.” It emphasizes the importance of placing God at the center of our relationship. Couples often recite vows rooted in faith but neglect to keep God involved in their marriage. He is our Creator and the best resource for maintaining a thriving partnership.
Reignite the Romance
No excuses here! If you can’t find a babysitter, create a cozy atmosphere at home after the kids are asleep. Look into each other’s eyes and remember why you fell in love. My husband’s words from our wedding day still resonate: “You are beautiful inside and out. Your love has transformed me.”
See Your Spouse as Your Best Friend
From our very first meeting, my husband and I were best friends. That foundation of friendship is crucial, yet we lost it along the way. A friend is someone you trust and confide in. Sometimes we become defensive around our spouse, forgetting that we are allies. Secrets can erode trust; sharing openly strengthens it.
I’m no expert, just a wife who doesn’t want to lose her best friend. Life will continue to present challenges, but I believe we can face them together. The same goes for you and your partner.
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In summary, a temporary separation helped me rediscover the love and friendship that had brought us together. It reminded us that marriage is an ongoing journey that requires effort, prioritization, and a deep bond.