By: Jessica Hartman
Updated: January 22, 2021
Originally Published: May 30, 2015
- Have a serious chat with yourself beforehand: You’re only here for one thing—a lone pack of coffee. That’s it. No extras.
- Bring a child along: A pre-teen who’d rather be gaming can work, but a toddler in the throes of potty training and the Terrible Twos is your best bet. Don’t have one handy? Consider borrowing one from a frazzled parent; they’ll be eternally grateful.
- Step into Target: Feel that rush of excitement? It’s the unmistakable onset of Target High.* Lucky for you, that toddler will help keep your spending in check. (*Target High: a euphoric state characterized by a compulsive urge to buy everything in sight. Symptoms include dizziness, giddiness, and a tendency to swipe your credit card excessively.)
- Secure the child in a cart: As she starts whining, you’ve got about eight minutes of peace—thanks to that cereal bar you handed over.
- Opt for the scenic route to the coffee aisle: Avoiding the home décor section seems wise until you spot purses on your right. No! Stay focused! But then you find yourself at…
- The shoe aisle: You slow down, eyes wandering over sandals and clearance boots. Surely a quick peek at those boots won’t hurt, right? (You glance at the toddler—she’s down to half a cereal bar.)
- Regretfully leave the shoe section: None were in your size, but you can’t help but dream about that beaded sandal for your next paycheck.
- Walk with purpose: Wait, what’s that bright red sign over the juniors’ tees? “Sale!” It’s calling your name.
- A few moments later, you come to your senses in the family dressing room: You’re not sure how you ended up here, but your cart now holds 36 items from juniors, and your toddler is licking jelly off her hands.
- Blink to regain focus: You’re here now, so you might as well try on these clothes for the next payday.
- Ten minutes later, exit feeling rather large: You hand the attendant 35 items back, ignoring her judgmental stare.
- Wipe the toddler’s sticky face as you pass the activewear section: Those cute exercise clothes could motivate you to work out, thus making you feel better about your shopping decisions.
- The toddler alarm goes off: “Me go potty nooooow!”
- Dash to the restrooms: When you arrive, it’s too late. She’s soaked. While changing her, it dawns on you—she could certainly use another pair of pants… so why not?
- Justifying a detour to the baby section: Mentally tally your children’s stained hand-me-downs, promising yourself a quick walk-through—only stopping for a sale sign.
- Arrive at the baby section and gasp in delight: Tutus, lace, floral raincoats! Your ears are practically ringing.
- The toddler squeals, “Let go!” (Translation: she spotted something Frozen-related.) Preoccupied with raincoats, you hand her a stuffed Olaf to keep her entertained.
- In a flash, 18 toddler outfits are in your cart: You tell yourself you’ll decide at checkout.
- Move toward checkout, past the organizational aisle: Wait, chevron-striped bins! Perfect for all the cords cluttering your home. You toss three into your cart, feeling a rush—yes, you’ve got that Target High.
- Turn the corner to see a display of mismatched bowls: They look like something from Anthropologie! Your son just ruined your last snack bowl—into the cart they go!
- Glance down at the toddler, happily munching on Olaf’s carrot nose: Good, you still have a few minutes before she notices you’ve spotted…
- An adorable serving tray! It’s only $12.99, and you know you need it. It’s practically a steal!
- The toddler makes a gagging noise: You panic and dig half of Olaf’s nose from her mouth. She erupts into screams—the Toddler Time Bomb is ticking. Time to head out.
- Grab the screaming toddler and hustle to checkout: Push the cart with your free hand, barely glancing at the enticing kitchen gadgets whizzing by.
- Pause at the checkout line, suddenly realizing your cart is overflowing: Where did all this come from? You don’t even remember grabbing those decorative hooks!
- Search your purse for a distraction: Find a lollipop and give it to the toddler, who immediately quiets down.
- Check your bank balance on your phone: Gasp! No way, it can’t be that low.
- Reload the app: Same disheartening number.
- Debate your options: You get paid in six days. If you skip Starbucks and pack the kids’ lunches, you can afford the raincoat, two bowls, and Olaf. Guess you have to buy him now—goodbye, Target High.
- Push the cart into the checkout line: “Um, we changed our minds. Just the raincoat, bowls, and snowman, please.”
- Shuffle outside: Strap the toddler in her car seat and realize you forgot to buy the coffee.
In summary, navigating Target with a budget can be a tricky endeavor, especially with a young child in tow. While you may start with the best intentions, the allure of sales and exciting products can lead to an overflowing cart and a lighter wallet. But hey, it’s all part of the experience, right? If you enjoyed this lighthearted take on shopping, check out our other posts for more parenting insights, or explore options for at-home insemination kits from reputable retailers like this one. For further information on the topic, you can also visit this excellent resource.
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