When we recently moved to a new state, we had the usual list of priorities. We needed enough bedrooms to avoid sibling rivalries, and I was keen on residing in a cul-de-sac, allowing my kids the freedom to roam. My partner, Mark, insisted on having a spacious, flat yard for playing baseball and cultivating a garden. We had a preferred school district in mind and were searching within a 35-minute commute to Mark’s workplace. And naturally, while house hunting, we immediately scouted out the nearest Costco.
As a family of five, we source nearly all our essentials—meats, fruits, toilet paper, laundry detergent, school snacks, allergy meds, bottled water, diapers, and eggs—at our cherished Costco. Need wine? Buy it in bulk. Looking for a TV? Costco. Lawn chairs? You guessed it, Costco. Easter baskets? Yep, Costco again.
As someone who frequents this wholesale warehouse weekly, I can confidently share my insights about the experience of splurging on a cart filled with socks, BBQ ribs, and a beer fridge. Believe me, it has happened—many times! Here are 12 truths you’ll likely encounter if you share my love for Costco.
- You’ll start with a list and a budget, only to realize how naïve you were. Expect to spend an additional $256-$289 than planned. (Trust me, a study conducted at the University of My Wallet confirms this.)
- You might enter the store for just chicken and hamburgers, yet somehow leave with a kitchen faucet, patio furniture, and five books you’ll never read. Oh, and did I mention you don’t even have a patio?
- Promising your cranky children delicious samples for good behavior means they’ll only offer salmon, beet soup, and wafer crackers when you arrive. The pizza and croissant-wrapped hotdogs will mysteriously run out just as you approach with your famished toddler.
- You’ll still try those wafer crackers and awkwardly linger, feeling compelled to appease the enthusiastic sample lady shouting, “Only $12.99! Get your box here!” She reminds you of your grandma, and you can’t bear to tell her that your family wouldn’t touch it even with candy-flavored whipped cream.
- While you might skip the wafer crackers, you’ll undoubtedly toss at least one sample into your cart—congratulations, you now own a box of 94 egg rolls! Hope your family is ready for a month of faux Chinese cuisine.
- Finding help in Costco is a quest. The only employees around are older folks who know precisely where the dark chocolate or hummus is located, while the big expanse in between is no man’s land.
- If you fall in love with a product, you can bet it will vanish from the shelves just as you become attached (or at least until you’ve had enough time to move on). I’m still mourning the margarita chips I had once back in 2015…
- Handing your child the receipt to hold because he “wants a job” means you’ll watch in horror as he loses it in the 25 seconds it takes to exit the register. Congratulations, you’ve just entered Costco jail for eternity.
- Costco’s cafeteria is a hidden gem. Dining out as a family of five can be costly, so we often find ourselves at Costco’s picnic tables on weekends. Those enormous pizza slices for around two bucks are tempting, but your kids will insist they can finish an entire slice, despite having never accomplished it before. You’ll end up eating the leftover bites from their plates (a game you know all too well).
- As you add a box of frozen tilapia to your cart (because you’re on a health kick and say things like “we should eat more fish!”), your child will announce an urgent need to use the restroom. He’ll lose his Transformer on the way, and you’ll never see it again. Cue the inevitable meltdown.
- If you have little ones, you might optimistically begin your Costco trip with them contained in the cart. By the third aisle, your toddler will be sandwiched between a 10-pound bottle of laundry detergent and frozen chicken, begging to be let out. You’ll eventually have to release him, leading to a shopping spree where you chase him from sample station to sample station (and search for the lost Transformer).
- At checkout, the cashier will somehow convince you to upgrade to the more expensive “Elite Membership,” assuring you it’s worth it for better deals on cars and vacations that you’ll never actually buy.
You love the experience, though. Even as your wallet empties and you gain 10 pounds from “sample Ghirardelli brownie” weight, you’ll keep coming back. Because on Saturday mornings, when you need chicken nuggets, a spring plant to take to Grandma, and a box of 5,000 baby wipes, there’s truly no other place you’d rather be.
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Summary:
Costco shopping is an adventure filled with unexpected purchases, sample mishaps, and family dynamics. Despite the chaos, the savings and experiences make it a beloved routine for many families.