“Sorry, I can’t host you,” other parents often say. “My place is a disaster.” The moment I step into a home for a playdate, before even exchanging greetings, they exclaim, “Please don’t judge! It’s really a mess. I’m so embarrassed.”
The truth? It’s all a facade.
When I enter the home of a mother who insists her kitchen is chaotic or that the living room is cluttered with toys, I find myself torn between laughter and disbelief. Seriously? Not only is your space not messy, it’s pristine! You have neatly placed guest towels, the toys are contained to a single rug without a crumb in sight, and the dog’s fur is nowhere to be found. Your claim of a dirty house is a clear sign of denial, a misunderstanding of what life with small children looks like, or perhaps an unspoken wish to induce guilt in others. It could be a combination of all these things. Just stop it. You can either maintain a pristine home or raise children, and I have three wild boys under five.
So, to all the parents who are convinced their spotless homes are in disarray and to those who fear inviting anyone over because achieving that level of cleanliness feels impossible due to kids, pets, or life in general, let’s clarify what “normal” really is.
Normal: There’s always a room in your house that remains cluttered and chaotic
For me, it’s the dining room, furnished with my great-grandmother’s cherry dining set. The table overflows with sewing projects, art supplies crammed in every nook, and even train tracks sprawled beneath. You won’t see a hint of that beautiful cherry wood unless it’s for a holiday or birthday gathering. Otherwise, Judgy McJudgerson is not welcome.
As long as things are clean, you’re doing fine.
Normal: Laundry is everywhere
Current laundry status: five baskets in the laundry room, blocking the fridge, plus one in the master bedroom, and a load in both the dryer and washer. We have no dirty clothes out, which makes us this week’s laundry champions! Will those clean baskets ever make it to the folding stage? Perhaps. But I know of someone who once hid her kids’ Christmas surprise—a pet snake—under the piles of laundry for two weeks. Now that’s a laundry legend.
Normal: Your sink is overflowing with dishes
The dishwasher is packed, and the countertops are cluttered, leaving you scavenging for a clean spoon. So you resort to using a teaspoon for cereal. When you find yourself contemplating the giant soup spoon or, heaven forbid, that spiky grapefruit spoon lurking in the drawer, it’s definitely time for a load. Just to ensure the kids have plates for lunch.
Normal: Your children’s bath toys are exactly where they left them
Do not close that shower curtain; we all know what lurks behind it.
Normal: Toys are strewn across every corner of your home
No matter how diligently you clean or what incentives you offer, you never manage to pick them all up. I’ve found those pesky ball pit balls in the wash, outside, and stuffed between car seats. Duplos and action figures also seem to have a way of disappearing into the house’s nooks and crannies. If I spot plastic army men behind your toilet, I promise I’m not judging.
Normal: Cups, cups, and more cups
It’s a mystery how we survived the 80s without hydration on demand when my mother only allowed us to leave the kitchen with a Tupperware sippy of Kool-Aid. My kids, on the other hand, must have juice incessantly. They leave cups everywhere and demand new ones constantly. They even hold drinks up, asking, “Is this good, Mama?” before taking a sip. Don’t pretend yours don’t do the same.
Normal: Art Damage
My bathtub bears the remnants of tie-dye projects gone awry, and I desperately need to repaint parts of the kitchen wall after letting my toddlers go wild with acrylic paints. Your little one has likely left a mark on the wall that you haven’t had a chance to erase yet.
Normal: You can’t see the floor of your car
Where else are you supposed to stash all those fast-food cups, spare diapers, and dirty sippy cups? Your partner probably complains about it, but that’s just life.
Normal: You forgot trash day again
Your garbage can is overflowing, and the recycling bin looks like a mini frat party, all because you forgot to take it out for two weeks. No worries—if you managed to clear the trash from your home, you’re winning at garbage day!
Normal: Dust has not been wiped away
—possibly ever, or at least not since your parents last came to visit. I think I might have a bottle of Pledge somewhere, but don’t even think about looking at the high shelves if you’re allergic to dust.
Normal: Some part of your house has been in disrepair for longer than you’d like to admit
For instance, my oldest son has never seen us use our master bath shower; he’s four. We need to replace the tile, but somehow it keeps getting pushed to the back burner. I once thought this was an embarrassing admission until I confided in fellow parents. Two others admitted to having unusable bathrooms, one mentioned a deck with holes, and another has to warn visitors about the front stairs. Cheers to you, my comrades in chaos!
So there you have it. Either your house is truly spotless, and it’s time to stop apologizing, or you can finally let go of the shame and invite friends over. We’re all navigating the same sea of messiness. I won’t peek into your dining room if you don’t peek into mine.
For more insights on navigating the journey of parenthood, check out our other blog posts and resources on home insemination and family life.
Summary: The article humorously dissects what “normal” looks like in the homes of parents, highlighting the inevitable chaos that comes with raising children. It reassures parents that their homes don’t need to be immaculate, and that it’s okay to embrace the messiness of family life.