I appreciate your thoughtful letter regarding the noise from our toddler. It’s always nice to receive something in the mail that isn’t a bill or junk!
Your three-page handwritten note truly showcases your dedication. I apologize for not having exchanged email addresses to keep in touch more frequently. I was surprised to hear that our little one’s early morning cries at 6:00 a.m. disturb your sleep. I didn’t realize you hadn’t slept in past 6, even on weekends! With our toddler waking up at around 4:30, it’s reassuring to know that we’re keeping things relatively quiet.
Thank you for offering your assistance in selecting a “proper” carpet, especially since you’re an interior designer. I’m curious what you consider “proper” for cleaning up after the inevitable messes of poop, vomit, and spaghetti.
You mentioned wishing we’d take some toys outside. I’d gladly take our toddler out to play “bang the toy” on your air conditioning unit. Nothing says fresh air quite like breakfast being thrown from a high chair!
I recall when we first met, I introduced myself and offered to let you know if we were being too loud. It’s like when your partner says, “No, you look great in those pants.” You know what I mean?
You can hear my “choo-choo” sounds from the train book? Just a heads-up, the air vents in this building work both ways. And about your boyfriend—let’s just say I think he might not be as faithful as you believe. Sarah, who you call often, isn’t telling you the whole truth. But you can trust my instincts on this.
I noticed the balancing act you performed last Thursday with your green smoothie, coffee, and yoga bag while wearing heels. Your hair looked so polished—I hadn’t showered in a few days, so mine was a bit less glamorous!
Oh, and don’t forget to grab your West Elm package by the front door. I’d hate for my son to “accidentally” jump on that “fragile” sticker. After all, we all appreciate a good piece of mail, don’t we?
Best,
The Upstairs Mom
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Summary:
This letter humorously addresses a neighbor’s complaint about noise from a toddler. It blends wit with candid observations about life, relationships, and the challenges of parenting in an apartment setting. The writer also provides links to helpful resources on home insemination and fertility.