When my first child, Leo, arrived, he wouldn’t sleep for the first three months unless someone held him upright on the couch. I’m not sure if that qualifies as co-sleeping, but it certainly wasn’t comfortable for my wife, Sarah, or me. We took turns staying awake; Sarah usually managed the early night shift while I took over later. After those exhausting months, when we finally transitioned Leo to sleeping in our bed, it felt like pure bliss. He showed zero interest in the crib, which meant co-sleeping became our new reality. I can’t recall exactly how long we did this—maybe nine months to a year—but after three months of sleepless nights, having a wiggly baby in bed was a welcome change.
Strangely enough, while I faced little judgment for co-sleeping, Sarah received all of it. I remember chatting with a friend from church who noticed my tiredness. When I mentioned that Leo was sharing our bed, he exclaimed, “You really need to talk to Sarah about that. It has to stop.” He went on about how we should let Leo cry it out.
Being a new father and husband, I didn’t challenge his views at that moment. But later, I pondered why it was solely Sarah’s responsibility. Why did anyone feel the need to assign blame?
Honestly, when a parent mentions exhaustion with a child under three, they deserve sympathy. The reality is that consistent sleep is as likely as passing a complex bill—rarely happens! This holds true, regardless of whether the child sleeps in a bed or a crib.
What irked me wasn’t simply the unsolicited advice; it was the underlying assumption that it was Sarah’s fault. The notion that I held some kind of authority to dictate how we managed our parenting felt absurd. Sarah and I are partners. We argue at times, but we are always working towards a compromise. This applies to every aspect of our lives—budgeting, household chores, and sleeping arrangements. If our child isn’t sleeping well, no one is to blame—not even the child! Some kids are great sleepers, while others struggle. Blaming a parent for their child’s sleep issues is akin to blaming gravity for a broken egg.
I know there are sleep experts who would argue otherwise, but honestly, what parents really need is support, not judgment. They don’t need to be told how to handle their child’s sleep issues or be criticized for co-sleeping. Mothers, in particular, shouldn’t bear the brunt of this blame.
To put it plainly, I have three children, with my youngest soon to turn four. All of them sleep through the night unless they’re unwell, and they’ve all spent different amounts of time in our bed. Sarah and I have always discussed our nighttime strategies to ensure we’re on the same page, making decisions that work for our family. It hasn’t always been easy, but parenting young kids is challenging. At times it’s incredibly rewarding, and at other moments, it makes you want to escape to the woods.
I can’t recall a single instance where another parent’s judgment improved my situation. We should focus more on what works for our families and less on what others are doing. Every child is unique, and we must trust that parents are doing their best to help their children sleep. If co-sleeping is the best choice for a family, that decision deserves respect.
Ultimately, we need more understanding and less criticism. Parenting is incredibly demanding, especially when sleep-deprived. Let’s unite as a supportive community and extend love and trust to one another.
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Summary: Co-sleeping is often criticized, particularly towards mothers, but it should not be a source of guilt for parents. The reality of parenting is that sleep issues are common and not a reflection of one’s capabilities. Parents should support one another rather than judge, focusing on what works best for their families.