In a quiet corner of the rink, I overheard a conversation between two parents about a young boy, still clad in his hockey gear, pressing his helmet against the glass doors. “His mom is never around, poor kid,” one whispered. “If only I knew which bag was his, I’d help him change,” the other replied.
Parenting can feel like an endless race, can’t it? Juggling hockey practices, football games, and gymnastics lessons. Remembering to pack supplies for school projects, buying Valentine’s cards for the upcoming party, signing permission slips, and managing RSVPs for birthday celebrations. We dash to the store at the last minute to grab gifts and make sure snacks are tucked in alongside the lunch we prepared the night before. It’s about ensuring our kids have the proper gear for dance competitions, new skates for growing feet, and adequate winter clothing. We work diligently to have everything ready—dinner prepped, shoes and boots laid out, and ensuring we’re always ahead of the clock so our kids aren’t the last ones picked up.
Your version of this hustle may look different from mine, but it all revolves around a complex dance of schedules and countless mental reminders, day in and day out.
Listening to those parents at the rink struck a chord within me. I felt a deep empathy for all the times I’ve been the MIA mom. The times I couldn’t pick my daughter up from dance or watch my son’s football games. The moments I missed school events or almost forgot about my little one’s first daycare performance. I’ve felt that ache of guilt many times.
But here’s what I want to clarify: I may not always be physically present, but I am always there in spirit. I prepare my daughter’s dance bag, ensuring she has all her shoes and clothes ready. I make sure my son has everything he needs for his football games laid out before I leave for work. I might not be at the dinner table, but I’ve made every effort to ensure dinner is ready for my kids. I’ve organized their winter gear by the door and packed their naptime supplies for daycare—all while racing out the door at dawn for work. You might not see me, but my heart is always with my family.
My absence doesn’t reflect a lack of love or commitment. Families come in all shapes and sizes, and we each have our own challenges and priorities that shape our lives. Whether it’s work, caring for aging parents, or managing friendships and relationships, we all have our unique circumstances.
Recently, while away in the stunning mountains of Whistler, Canada, with my husband for a conference, a friend asked if this was my first time leaving my kids for an extended trip. I explained that while there was a whirlwind of emotions—guilt, anxiety, and sadness—I also felt excitement and happiness. I wanted my children to understand that their world isn’t the only one that exists. I love them deeply, but it’s essential for me to nurture other aspects of my life that contribute to my well-being. She seemed surprised, saying, “I’ve never thought of it that way.”
Sometimes, circumstances are beyond our control. I have to work when I need to work, but making time for a night out or a weekend getaway can also be crucial. My life is centered around my kids, but it’s equally about demonstrating my strength as an individual and reminding them of the broader world they inhabit.
We all strive to be there for our children to the best of our abilities. Sometimes that means picking them up late from practice due to a sibling’s schedule. Other times it might mean hiring a babysitter for dance lessons because of work commitments. It could also mean prioritizing time with a partner to nurture our relationships or finding a way to volunteer at school events. Just because we are MIA doesn’t mean we aren’t doing our best.
So, to all the MIA hockey moms and dads out there, I see you. Your presence is evident in your child’s well-fitted gear and their joyful spirit. You are doing an incredible job, juggling your own unique circus with grace and dedication.
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In summary, while physical presence is important, it does not define a parent’s love or commitment. Each family faces unique challenges, and as we navigate our responsibilities, it’s crucial to remember that doing our best can take many forms.