As a new mother, I was filled with apprehension about various aspects of parenting, particularly breastfeeding. It was my first experience, and I was overwhelmed by the pressure to provide breast milk for my baby, having been told repeatedly that formula was detrimental. I believed that breastfeeding would foster a strong bond between us. Unfortunately, that was not my reality.
In the early weeks of my son’s life, I found myself plagued with confusion and distress. Every time I attempted to breastfeed, I felt an inexplicable wave of negativity. Then, a conversation with my sister led me to discover a condition known as D-MER, or Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex, through the insightful blog of a fellow mother who shared her experiences.
Sitting in my nursing chair, a revelation hit me: the emotions I was experiencing during letdown—anxiety, anger, and even a sense of homesickness—were a direct result of D-MER. This condition, still relatively unknown, is characterized by distressing feelings that occur just before milk ejection during breastfeeding or pumping. According to the Australian Breastfeeding Association, D-MER is associated with a sudden drop in dopamine levels that triggers these negative emotions.
It became clear that the distress I felt was not a personal failing; it was a physiological response that many women experience. Despite this understanding, I continued breastfeeding my first child, not realizing that I could seek help from a healthcare professional. When he refused to nurse at five months, I resorted to pumping for an additional seven months, with D-MER symptoms persisting, though some women report fewer issues while pumping. Yet, I didn’t reach out for help. I persevered when I should have sought support.
When my second child arrived, I was more prepared. I learned to distract myself during breastfeeding sessions, which made the experience less daunting. I managed to breastfeed for ten months before my supply diminished. With my third child, I was determined to overcome D-MER, armed with effective anti-anxiety and antidepressant medications. Initially, it seemed manageable, but eventually, I faced panic attacks and worsening depression. After six months postpartum, I made the difficult decision to stop breastfeeding.
Now, as I am 22 weeks pregnant with my fourth child, I have resolved not to breastfeed this time. I firmly believe that “fed is best,” and my partner supports my choice wholeheartedly. He has even expressed relief, as he has often felt overshadowed by the breastfeeding bond. My OBGYN and psychiatrist also back my decision, with no one shaming me for prioritizing my mental health and family’s well-being.
Breastfeeding is not the right path for everyone. Whether it’s due to D-MER or other personal reasons, it’s essential to trust your instincts. If you suspect you are suffering from D-MER or have experienced it in the past, don’t hesitate to consult your doctor. Reach out for help sooner than I did—it’s crucial.
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Summary:
D-MER can transform the breastfeeding experience into a challenging ordeal for many mothers, leading to feelings of anxiety and distress that are often misunderstood. Understanding this condition is vital for those who experience it. Seeking help and support is crucial, as breastfeeding isn’t the only option for nurturing your child.