As I stand in public with my four daughters, I can already sense the reactions. For nearly a decade, I’ve been on the receiving end of the same remarks, and I brace myself for the inevitable.
“Four girls?! Wow, you must have your hands full. Poor Dad, he’s definitely outnumbered. Are you going to try for a boy?” The cashier’s face is filled with sympathy as she anticipates my response.
“I truly feel fortunate to have all girls,” I reply, my smile strained, hoping she’ll pick up on my less-than-enthusiastic demeanor and drop the subject. But she seems oblivious.
“Really?! Just wait until they hit their teenage years,” she chuckles. “Poor daddy!” Without a word, I take my receipt and shepherd my daughters toward the exit.
“Mommy?” my seven-year-old inquires, her brows furrowing. “Why do people always say ‘poor daddy’ and ask if we’re going to have a boy? Are girl babies not as good as boy ones? Is daddy sad that we’re all girls?”
Anger bubbles inside me. Her sister posed a similar question last year, and I can’t help but wonder how long it will be until my youngest starts to question the same thing. I force a smile.
“No way, your daddy loves having all girls. I love having all girls.”
“But a lot of people say it’s not a good thing.” Her earnest expression reflects the confusion that has been brewing in her mind. This was the third instance of such comments that day, and I could understand her uncertainty. (Eight is our record for one outing.)
This encapsulates my frustration. No matter where we go, people feel the need to comment. Out of countless remarks we’ve received, I can count on one hand the compliments about our all-girl family.
Interestingly, my sister, Mia, has four sons. “We face the same thing all the time. People express sympathy, joke about us trying for a girl. I would have loved to have had a daughter. Am I sad about it? Yes. But I adore my boys.”
I recognize that most people don’t intend to be rude or hurtful. They usually think they’re engaging in light conversation. However, words can have a significant impact. To a child who hears sympathetic comments and mock horror, the effect can be devastating.
A friend, Sarah, has three boys. “We really wished for a girl. I’d love to try again, but financially we can’t. It’s tough accepting that I won’t have a daughter, and then strangers ask if I’m going to try for a girl, bringing that pain right back.”
Before becoming a parent, I envisioned certain experiences I’d share with a son and a daughter. My husband had similar expectations, dreaming of teaching a son how to be chivalrous or shave. Yet, he loves being a father to our daughters.
Realizing that all our children are of the same gender signals a closing chapter in our lives. We grow up imagining futures filled with endless possibilities. When you have all girls or all boys, it signifies the end of the experience of raising a child of the opposite gender. Coming to terms with that can take time. It doesn’t mean that I’m any less grateful for my children. I always wanted girls; I prayed for them in each pregnancy. But it still took some time to accept that I wouldn’t be raising a little boy.
Whether you’re thrilled with having all of one gender or not, these are your kids, and you love them dearly. Many families with children of the same gender would agree that they’d prefer to avoid the constant comments from strangers that often come off as jokes or pity. Those comments can be hurtful, especially since kids are listening.
While we might present quite a colorful sight, sometimes adorned in tutus and bows, unless you’re going to share a thumbs-up and tell us how wonderful it is to have all girls, I wish you’d keep your thoughts to yourselves.
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In summary, having multiple children of the same gender comes with its own set of challenges, especially when faced with unsolicited comments. While these interactions often stem from a place of friendliness, they can inadvertently impact the feelings of both parents and children.