In the realm of parenting, there exists a myriad of untruths. These encompass the promises we make to ourselves about what we will never do and the misconceptions surrounding parenthood. Among these, there are the unacknowledged truths.
From the moment my first daughter arrived, I realized there were sentiments that parents—especially mothers—are often hesitant to voice. During my inaugural parenting class, the upbeat facilitator encouraged us to express our feelings about motherhood. One mom shared her joy at the “overwhelming love” she felt for her newborn. Another marveled at how her heart could “hold so much love.” Yet, when it was my turn and I confessed that the experience was “far more than I ever anticipated,” my admission was met with silence and puzzled looks.
Over the years, I’ve discovered that parents often harbor feelings they’re reluctant to admit. We keep secrets, suppressing our true feelings. I refuse to abide by this charade any longer. I’m done with the pretense and the isolation. It’s time to confront the elephant in the room. If no one else will say it, I will: I have no clue what I’m doing.
Prior to becoming a parent, I assumed that while parenting would present its challenges, it would come naturally to me. With my education and a solid support network, I believed I would know how to handle situations instinctively, or at least seek guidance from myriad resources available. However, I quickly learned that sleepless nights would be filled with anxiety over various dilemmas. Advice from books and friends often left me more confused than before, as I grappled with countless decisions—each with its own set of advantages and drawbacks.
I never imagined I would frequently feel overwhelmed and helpless, questioning everything from feeding choices to discipline strategies. The options are endless: Should I breastfeed or use formula? Should I let my child cry it out or co-sleep? The list goes on, and my oldest is only eleven. The complexities seem to multiply, and I often find myself thinking, They really don’t prepare you for this, do they?
Children don’t come with instruction manuals; even if they did, each child is unique, and every family faces its own circumstances. So, how useful would such a manual even be? This is all uncharted territory, a journey we navigate without a map. We’re all learning as we go along, often feeling lost.
Rather than admitting our uncertainties, we internalize them, losing sleep over self-doubt. Sometimes, we offer unsolicited advice in the hopes of finding validation. Other times, we become defensive or judgmental, as if there could only be a single “right” way to parent.
One of the most shocking aspects of parenthood for me has been the crushing loneliness that often accompanies it. After my first daughter was born, I was astounded by how isolated I felt, even when surrounded by others. Even going to the bathroom felt like a public affair. Yet, I experienced profound loneliness, akin to being marooned on a deserted island. It often seemed like no one—except perhaps my partner—understood the challenges I faced or the emotional turmoil I endured.
However, parenting shouldn’t be a solitary journey. We don’t have to feel like we’re the only ones struggling. It’s time to drop the facade and share our experiences. Let’s lift each other out of the trenches and confront the unspoken truths. Let’s be honest about the struggles we all face.
Embracing our vulnerabilities can be liberating. Even when we feel utterly lost, one truth remains: our children are resilient and amazing, and that’s the best revelation of all.
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