Powerless. Numb. In denial. Overwhelmed by guilt, embarrassment, fear, anxiety, and anger. These feelings engulfed me on December 23, the day my life changed forever.
Society often portrays sexual assault in a way that blames the victim. The narrative suggests that drinking makes you vulnerable, that revealing clothing invites unwanted attention, and that walking alone in the dark puts you at risk. But my experience was not a result of any of these factors. I was dressed in modest flared jeans and a long-sleeved blue shirt that covered me completely.
The memories are painfully vivid. I can still see that place—a space that should have offered safety, yet became the backdrop for one of the worst moments of my life. My school, which was meant to be filled with joyous and transformative experiences, turned into a haunting reminder of trauma.
That day was unlike any other; it was the last day before winter break, and I was excitedly overseeing my first anti-bullying campaign—movie day. Through my efforts, I had raised $300 for Know Resolve, an organization dedicated to reducing youth suicides. However, all that positivity was overshadowed by the ugliness that followed.
The perpetrator was someone I considered a friend, a boy whom I had known since ninth grade and trusted. In the control booth of the auditorium, my excitement for the event was abruptly shattered. “Break up with your boyfriend. I will treat you better,” he said, as I found myself trapped, pushed against a table. I struggled to push him away, but my body felt paralyzed. In that moment, I realized I was no longer just a victim of bullying; I had become a victim of sexual assault.
I wanted to scream, to fight back, to call out to the friend who stood nearby to intervene. But my voice failed me; I felt frozen in place as embarrassment washed over me. I didn’t want anyone to know what had happened. Instead of helping, my friend escalated the situation by confronting the principal, turning my nightmare into a reality.
The principal’s response was chilling: “He admitted he was wrong, but it’s your choice. If you report it to the police, we’ll suspend him. If not, there’s nothing we can do.” Why was the burden of this decision placed on me? I was the victim; I should have been supported, not further victimized.
A wave of new emotions flooded my mind as I realized he was escaping accountability for the damage he had inflicted on my emotional well-being. The school’s reputation took precedence over my experience. Two weeks later, my parents were informed, and that was the first time I witnessed my father in tears.
Initially, he received only a one-day suspension. It took my mother’s fierce advocacy to extend it to five days. The principal’s hands trembled as she demanded action that should have been taken by the school board.
I never wanted to return to that school again. When I decided to transfer, the principal reduced my course load to just three classes, stripping away my ability to fully engage in my education. I had always loved school, and now I was forced to attend for only a fraction of the day because I was the victim.
My senior year, which should have been filled with laughter and cherished memories, turned into a time of deep sorrow. I found myself crying more than smiling, as my positive memories were consumed by nightmares. Every day, I faced the trauma of running into him in the hallways, where I felt cornered by my own feelings. He knew my schedule, leaving me with nowhere to hide.
Prom night was cut short for me; I couldn’t escape the dread of seeing him lurking in the distance. My anxiety drove me to leave early, unable to bear the discomfort. As the legal process began, I was constantly reminded of that December day. I lacked the strength to confront him in court and ultimately accepted a plea deal for fourth-degree sexual criminal conduct.
It’s crucial to understand that no two stories of sexual assault are alike. Each person’s wounds require healing, and their stories deserve to be acknowledged. We all need support and understanding.
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In summary, the struggle of overcoming the trauma of sexual assault is profound and deeply personal. Each story is unique, deserving of compassion, understanding, and support.