When my partner, Alex, and I welcomed our sons into the world, we were not married and had no intention of tying the knot. I had always been resolute in my decision never to change my last name. In fact, at no point in my life had I imagined altering my name—marriage or children aside.
Fast forward to today, and I find myself happily married with children, my surname firmly in place. Our sons proudly carry hyphenated names, a reflection of both our identities. Alex, being the understanding partner he is, never pressured me to adopt his surname. In his eyes, it was perfectly fine that my last name was the latter part of our children’s names. It’s refreshing to navigate this modern family dynamic, especially in a world where traditional norms still persist.
As we approach the end of preschool for our eldest, I’ve been grappling with an unusual desire to hyphenate my own name to align with my boys’. This urge feels almost instinctive, yet I struggle to articulate why. On one hand, it seems logical, but on the other, I cling tightly to my values of independence and self-identity. I have long believed that a woman shouldn’t have to change her name for anyone, and I’ve spent countless hours debating the outdated customs that suggest otherwise.
Yet, I find myself reconsidering, but not for just anyone—these are my children. I carried them, felt them grow, and endured the physical transformations of pregnancy. My body bears the marks of their births, and as I contemplate their impending independence, I wonder if my impulse to change my name is a subconscious attempt to maintain some connection as they step into the world.
As our eldest prepares for Kindergarten—a significant milestone that represents his journey toward independence—I’m confronted with the bittersweet reality of parenting. One moment, you’re bringing them home from the hospital, and the next, you’re evaluating schools and planning for their futures. I shared my thoughts with Alex, and as I spoke, tears welled up, revealing a profound truth: “They’re my kids, and I want something that ties us together as they venture out.”
It’s remarkable how society has romanticized the idea of parenthood while overlooking the heartache of watching your children grow away from you. Yet, it’s equally astonishing how many of us navigate these challenges and emerge stronger.
For more insights on navigating parenthood and self-identity, check out our post on Intracervical Insemination. Additionally, if you’re looking for authoritative information on home insemination, visit Make a Mom and UCSF’s Center for Reproductive Health.
In summary, the journey through motherhood often brings unexpected reflections on one’s identity. My initial resolve to keep my last name intact is now challenged by the desire to align more closely with my children. Yet, the essence of who I am remains unchanged, even as I navigate this new terrain of parenting and identity.