I can already hear the judgments. “What a terrible mother,” or something similar may come to mind. But before you rush to conclusions, let me share my perspective as a loving mother who is committed to the well-being of her children. My journey has taught me valuable lessons, and I’m applying that knowledge to improve my parenting.
My First Experience with Breastfeeding
When I had my first child, breastfeeding didn’t work out for me. I know that sounds surprising, so please bear with me. I followed all the recommendations: I pumped constantly, consumed oats, drank lactation teas, and even took fenugreek—aroma of maple syrup included. I was filled with anxiety because I understood the mantra that breast is best, and I desperately wanted to nourish my son that way. Unfortunately, my milk never came in, and he ended up being a formula baby from the start.
It was a painful process for me. I grieved for the breastfeeding experience I never had, going through all the stages of loss. I’d see the nursing tops I had bought during my pregnancy and feel a wave of irrational anger. I would look at the pump parts drying in the rack and break down in tears, feeling like I had failed at one of motherhood’s most critical tasks. It led me to believe I was an inadequate mother.
Managing My Mental Health
I also live with bipolar disorder. Yes, another surprising turn, but stay with me here. This chronic condition requires management, and I take medication daily to help regulate my brain chemistry. Sleep is vital for me, and maintaining a regular sleep schedule is essential. With insomnia and intrusive thoughts, achieving that can be quite challenging. It means making sacrifices, like skipping that afternoon coffee or going to bed early instead of watching my favorite show. If I don’t prioritize sleep, my mental health suffers.
The Impact of Not Breastfeeding
Then came my baby. I knew motherhood would involve sleepless nights, but I had no idea how it would affect me. To my surprise, I coped remarkably well. The reason? I couldn’t breastfeed. This allowed my partner to step in, sharing the responsibilities of feeding and caring for our son. We quickly adopted a 50/50 approach, taking turns during feedings, which let both of us catch up on sleep. This division of labor played a significant role in my postpartum recovery, my son’s healthy weight gain, and my mental health stability during a time when sleep deprivation could have been detrimental.
Looking Ahead
Fast forward two years, and I find myself thrilled to discover I’m pregnant again. We had hoped for a sibling for our first child, and the news came much more easily than we anticipated. Knowing that I have this little one on the way fills me with joy and love.
However, my plans remain unchanged: I will not be breastfeeding this time, either. Some may label this as selfish, claiming I’m prioritizing my convenience over my child’s health. Others might argue I’m denying my baby the best start in life.
To those critics, I have a response. A healthy mom leads to a healthy baby. This arrangement works for my family, even if it wouldn’t suit everyone else. My children deserve a stable, happy mother, not one who is struggling under societal pressures to breastfeed.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I firmly believe that the well-being of both mother and child is interconnected. To provide the best environment for my children, I need to prioritize my mental health and make the choices that work for us as a family. I’ll be reminding my husband of this in seven months when it’s his turn to handle the nighttime feeds.
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Summary
This article explores the author’s decision against breastfeeding for her second child, drawing on past experiences with mental health and the importance of sharing parenting responsibilities. The author emphasizes that a healthy mom is essential for a healthy baby, challenging societal expectations around breastfeeding.