I feel compelled to share something important. Often, when I write, my goal is to uplift others by revealing the realities of life, particularly the unique challenges I face as a foster mom. There are times when I find myself caught in a cycle of self-pity. I might think, “Oh, poor me! Life is so difficult. I’ve made so many sacrifices for these children. Foster kids can be so challenging. Why can’t someone come to my rescue?”
But recently, I had an epiphany. This mindset isn’t helping me or anyone else.
Yes, being a foster parent is tough. But so is parenting in general.
I want to emphasize something to all mothers out there: you are doing incredibly hard, vital work. Whether your children are biological, adopted, or fostered, the challenges of parenting are universal.
We all find ourselves awake at odd hours. We’re all navigating mealtime disputes. We’re all deep in dish soap, mopping floors, changing diapers, and tackling laundry piles.
We all strive to nurture our marriages and friendships while juggling our own needs. Many of us are skimping on “me time,” staying up late or waking up early to catch a breath amidst the chaos.
We experience the tantrums, the struggles, and the overwhelming joy of witnessing milestones—like a child taking their first steps or finally swallowing a spoonful of food without a fuss—these moments are significant no matter the circumstances.
We each bear our individual struggles—whether it’s anxiety, marital issues, or lack of support. We’re all navigating a world filled with imperfections, and it impacts us daily.
Of course, foster moms face some distinctive challenges that many biological mothers may not encounter, but that’s not the crux of my message today.
At this moment, I want to make it clear that I do not wish to undermine your experiences, Mamas. No matter your situation, every form of motherhood entails hard work. I never want you to feel that my role as a foster mom elevates my contributions over yours. That simply isn’t true. You are fulfilling the important calling of motherhood, be it with one child, multiple children, or any combination therein.
When I assert that foster parenting is challenging, I do not mean to imply that parenting overall isn’t hard—it is. Fostering just brings a different set of challenges that I may not have encountered before.
Recently, I came across a post on social media that struck a nerve. The author expressed frustration over mothers who complain about snow days. This individual had endured the unthinkable loss of a child and felt that complaints about minor inconveniences were unjust.
While my heart aches for this mother and those facing unimaginable grief, it’s also essential to recognize that everyone has their struggles. It’s unfair to dismiss someone’s feelings simply because they may not seem as severe in comparison. If a new mom is stressed about caring for her first baby, it would be wrong for me to belittle her concerns because she has one child.
As a foster mom, I sometimes fall into the trap of invalidating the experiences of those who aren’t in my shoes. But that is a misconception—foster parenting is hard, and so is parenting, in all its forms. I see you, Mama, no matter how many children you are caring for or what circumstances you are facing. Your joys, fears, and struggles are all legitimate.
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In summary, every mother faces unique challenges, and it’s vital to recognize and validate each other’s experiences. Whether you are a foster mom or a biological mom, the work is hard, but it is also incredibly rewarding.