Understanding My Son’s Emotional Outbursts: Why Home is Different from School

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Tonight, when my son returned home from school, I sensed something was off immediately. No words were needed; my instincts kicked in. As a mother, I have learned to recognize these signs over time, and it was clear that he had faced a challenging day. He had managed to hold himself together for nearly seven hours, but once he stepped through the door, it was as if a dam had burst.

In the safety of our home, he could no longer suppress the overwhelming feelings that had built up throughout the day. His expression became tense, his cheeks flushed, and his body rigid. His speech turned rapid and loud, showing signs of agitation. He fluctuated between wanting a snack and rejecting what was available, leading to frustration that boiled over. His excitement for our pets quickly became overwhelming, resulting in rough interactions that left him upset.

When I asked him how he felt, it was as if a fog enveloped him. He struggled to process my questions. His sisters entered the room, their laughter like a cacophony to his ears, prompting him to yell for silence. They shot back with their usual sisterly banter, and just like that, the situation escalated. The inevitable meltdown erupted, and there was no reversing it.

This chaos led to exhaustion for both of us. He couldn’t reflect on what was happening; he just needed to recover, as did I. It’s a difficult experience for everyone involved, but I can only imagine how intense it must feel for him.

As his mother, I am aware that there were subtle signs throughout his day that could easily go unnoticed. Teachers often see him as compliant, unaware of the hidden struggles. I can picture him sitting in class, his complexion paling as the day wore on, battling anxiety that might have made lunchtime a challenge. Nervous laughter may have slipped out when addressed by his teachers, and he might have resorted to rocking in his chair or hiding his head during lessons. As the clock approached dismissal, his stress might have manifested in fidgeting, leaving him a pressure cooker waiting to explode.

For many children on the autism spectrum, like my son, these behaviors often go unnoticed. The strain of maintaining composure at school can create a build-up of stress hormones, leading to a breakdown at home. This situation can be exasperating for families, especially when educators dismiss parental concerns.

To illustrate, imagine being a shaken soda bottle filled with autism, sensory processing challenges, ADHD, and an unspoken speech delay. Your day at school is a series of pressures: new topics to grasp, unexpected changes in routine, and the struggle to sit still during assembly. Each stressor is like another shake, and when you finally return home, the cap flies off.

This concept of delayed emotional release is real. I’ve often felt isolated and confused when teachers have claimed they’ve never witnessed these outbursts at school or suggested that I might be too lenient. I have spent sleepless nights questioning my parenting, but deep down, I know my instincts are accurate. My son feels comfortable enough at home to express himself fully, where he is safe and accepted.

This realization opens up possibilities for creating a more supportive environment that reduces the accumulation of stress for children like mine. It’s essential to embrace their unique needs rather than forcing them into a mold that doesn’t fit.

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In summary, understanding the emotional landscape of a child can be challenging. Recognizing the signs of stress and creating a safe haven at home can make a significant difference in their well-being.

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