There were numerous occasions when I found myself compressing my anger and shrinking into an apologetic version of myself just to appease others who, in retrospect, were in the wrong. My high school sweetheart convinced me that his flirting with other girls and ignoring my calls was acceptable because he believed I was secure enough to handle it. “I’m sorry, you’re right; I overreacted,” I would say, hoping to salvage our relationship if he threatened to end it.
In college, an acquaintance unfriended me on social media after I questioned her about canceling our plans. Seeing her photos with other more glamorous friends made me feel like I was simply too dull to be around. “It’s fine if you want to get together another time. Maybe I forgot you mentioned being busy,” I texted, anxiously hoping for a response.
I often played the role of the person who made excuses for others abandoning me. I thought it was a virtue to see the best in people. However, once I became a mother, that mindset shifted dramatically. No more playing nice—people who treated me poorly didn’t see me as a priority. I needed to recognize this and make it clear that I wouldn’t tolerate being treated like an afterthought.
Life as a Self-Advocating Mother
So, what is life like now that I’m a mom who values herself? It still has its challenges. Finding genuine friends and learning when to confront others is no easy task. I may not strut around like a supermodel, but I understand the importance of being a strong advocate for my son.
Taking the first step to stand up for myself has been transformative, and I encourage other mothers who may be labeled “sensitive” to do the same. Feeling emotions is perfectly normal. However, acting like you’re the only one entitled to feelings—those who criticize us for being offended while they themselves play the victim—simply isn’t right.
For example, a waitress recently laughed when she accidentally spilled hot marinara sauce on my lap, narrowly missing my newborn. I didn’t hesitate to inform her manager, as her carelessness put my child at risk. She should have been more cautious and offered an apology instead of being flippant.
When my obstetrician fabricated information in my medical records after I asked straightforward questions, I penned an 11-page letter to his department. I highlighted the need for better training or educational resources for female patients, emphasizing my right to make informed choices about my own body. Unlike in college, when I lacked the courage to voice my discomfort about a male student being present during my gynecological exam, I now take charge of my medical experiences.
My mother once insulted my husband, calling him worthless because he stayed home with our son. Later, she informed me she was considering moving in with us to save on rent. I asserted that her respect for our family and parenting choices was non-negotiable. After she dismissed my concerns, saying I was “too sensitive,” I firmly stated that she could not stay with us.
Family, friends, and even in-laws often act as if I’m unreasonable for taking offense, but I’ve shed that shoddy filter. My mind no longer sugarcoats their words due to insecurity. I refuse to feel ashamed for having emotions simply because they want the freedom to express themselves without considering how their words affect others.
It’s disheartening to see so many mothers still apologizing for others’ behaviors or making excuses to smooth over uncomfortable situations. I’ve exhausted my tolerance for the cruelty of others, and I’m transforming my past passivity into a dignified strength that my son will admire one day. If I can confront those who hurt me or disregard my needs, I can certainly advocate for my son’s well-being in various settings.
Yes, I may still be more sensitive than some, but that’s not a flaw. It’s unreasonable to expect me to mute my feelings or allow disrespect just because others believe they have a right to express themselves more freely.
So, let me be clear: I’m not “too sensitive”; you’re simply rude.
This article was originally published on Feb. 10, 2018.