The phrase “working mom guilt” sends a shiver down my spine—not for the reasons you might think. When most people hear that term, they probably envision a frazzled mother in high heels rushing from a school drop-off to an important meeting, forgetting her child’s lunch in her bag. Or maybe they picture a mother at her desk, tears streaming down her face as she watches a video of her baby taking those first wobbly steps, all while she’s stuck at work. Perhaps you can relate to a moment in your own career that pierced your heart simply because you missed an important milestone or celebration with your child.
While these images resonate with many, it’s the very concept of “guilt” in this phrase that makes me uncomfortable. The term implies that working mothers, myself included, are somehow at fault. This isn’t just about facing challenges or feeling sadness; guilt suggests shame, as if we’ve committed a wrongdoing akin to stealing from our workplace or betraying a partner.
It’s no wonder that so many working moms harbor negative feelings about their experiences. The language we use to describe our struggles implies we’ve made a poor choice, when, for many, working isn’t a choice at all.
Of course, I feel a pang of sadness when I have to leave my two-year-old in the morning, especially when he’s waving goodbye with that adorable little face. I wish I could be more present in my first grader’s classroom to understand his teacher’s approach better. But do I feel guilty about my passion for my career and the financial stability it provides for my family? Absolutely not. What I feel is better characterized as working mom anger.
I feel anger that many women I’ve spoken to returned to work before they were ready because their maternity leaves were shockingly short. I feel anger that we often apologize to our employers for leaving early for child-related matters, despite knowing it won’t impact their bottom line. One mother I spoke with perfectly encapsulated this sentiment: “I’m more likely to feel guilty for leaving the office early to take care of my kids than I am for leaving my kids. I think that is a societal/cultural issue.” And indeed it is; it’s time we demand change.
How can employers ever amend their policies if we continue to act as if we are to blame for these issues? The true problem isn’t our guilt but rather the systemic barriers that require us to navigate an unnecessary maze just to balance work and parenting.
Why do we continue to accept that women in the U.S. receive little to no paid maternity leave? As one federal employee noted, “You simply have to use your annual leave or sick days. If you run out, you can apply for a program that may grant you six to eight weeks of paid leave, but that’s only for postpartum recovery. Anything beyond that is leave without pay if you don’t have enough time saved.” This is outrageous. Those six weeks to three months post-birth are crucial, and anyone who has experienced motherhood knows that at six weeks postpartum, many of us are still grappling with hormonal shifts, sleep deprivation, and the demands of a newborn.
In contrast, countries like Canada offer women up to a year or more of parental leave, with a percentage of their wages during that time. A Canadian mother I spoke to shared, “We receive a portion of our earnings. While it’s less than what we’d make while working, we save on other expenses, like childcare, and we can also share the leave with our partners.” When I asked if this reduced feelings of working mom guilt, she replied, “I’m not sure it alleviates guilt, but I do feel more prepared—both physically and emotionally—to return to work compared to others who go back sooner.”
Imagine the cultural shift we could experience in our country if we adopted similar policies. What if working mothers were assured from the start that they are valued both as parents and professionals, rather than seeing those roles as conflicting?
I urge all working mothers to cease internalizing the guilt we’ve been conditioned to accept as our own. Instead, let’s articulate our needs, desires, and entitlements to effectively juggle both roles. It’s time to focus on advocating for change, not guilt. Until we collectively demand it, nothing will improve.
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In summary, it’s crucial that we shift the narrative surrounding working mothers from one of guilt to one of empowerment and advocacy for necessary changes in workplace policies.