“The expectation for working mothers is clear: act as if you have no children while parenting as if you have no job.” – Sarah Jones
Previous generations of women fought tirelessly for a world where we could thrive in both our careers and our homes. Their activism paved the way for us to enter the workforce in unprecedented numbers. Today, nearly half of all workers are women, and over 75% of Canadian women aged 25-54 are employed.
As we step into the opportunities forged by our mothers and grandmothers, we’ve been instilled with the belief that we can achieve anything we desire – that we can indeed have it all. Yet, as we break through professional barriers, we are still left to shoulder an unequal share of parenting and domestic duties. As a working mother, I often find myself questioning, “Is this truly what they fought for?”
The notion of ‘having it all’ is, in fact, rooted in the concept of doing it all. We strive to build rewarding careers without letting our roles as mothers interfere with our professional lives. We work harder than ever to prove our ambition hasn’t waned since becoming parents.
Simultaneously, we take on the role of the primary caregiver: volunteering at school, joining parent-teacher associations, coaching sports teams, and orchestrating elaborate birthday celebrations. We juggle cooking, cleaning, scheduling, shopping, and maintaining social commitments. We must also prioritize our health, nurture our relationships, and carve out time for ourselves.
It often feels like we’re balancing on a tightrope, one small misstep away from a total collapse. One unexpected sick day can turn our carefully arranged lives into chaos. After five years of navigating parenthood, I’ve come to realize that something has to give. We simply cannot do it all, and it’s time we stop pretending otherwise. Our mothers and grandmothers didn’t fight for us to feel obligated to fulfill every role flawlessly; they fought so we could have options.
We can choose to embrace a demanding career while delegating household responsibilities, opt for a part-time role and acknowledge that our career aspirations might need to take a back seat for now, or even pursue self-employment, knowing it often means sacrificing breaks. Alternatively, we might decide to stay home, aware that this could stall our earnings for years to come. Each choice is valid, yet none are easy.
It’s essential to release the notion that our homes must be immaculate, that bake sale treats need to be homemade, or that we should revert to our pre-baby bodies. Focus on what truly matters to you and let the rest slide. We often find ourselves measuring against an unattainable ideal, which is simply unrealistic.
In a perfect world, work-life balance would be more than just a trendy phrase. Achieving flexible work arrangements wouldn’t hinder career advancement, and the burden of parenting wouldn’t disproportionately fall on women. Until we reach that ideal, we must cease exhausting ourselves in pursuit of the elusive concept of ‘having it all.’ For more insights on parenthood and related topics, check out our post on home insemination.
In summary, the pursuit of “having it all” is a myth that often leads to burnout and unrealistic expectations. We need to acknowledge our limits and prioritize what truly matters, rather than chase an unattainable standard.