I’m gearing up to lead an exhilarating dance class, where I’ll be moving to over a dozen songs for a full hour. Eyes will be locked on me, anticipating my every step. Surprisingly, rather than feeling anxious, I’m filled with excitement. I thrive in this environment.
As a Zumba instructor, I face a room of diverse participants weekly. They will form opinions about me, the gym, and Zumba itself based on my guidance throughout the choreography. While it may sound intimidating, I embrace it wholeheartedly, smiling and encouraging others, fueled by the vibrant energy around me.
However, my demeanor shifts dramatically when I’m in a less familiar setting, like standing in line at the post office. My palms feel clammy as I clutch a package that won’t fit in my mailbox. I almost hesitated to send it simply because it couldn’t be shipped from home, but I know it’s essential. My heart races with irrational worries: Did I wrap it correctly? Is it sealed properly? Am I violating some postal regulation?
My mind spirals into a whirlwind of possibilities, and by the time I reach the counter, I’m teetering on the brink of a panic attack. I can almost hear the postal workers’ judgments: “How does this woman in her thirties not know how to send a package?” With my breath quickening and my heart pounding, I rehearse my words to avoid sounding foolish. Yet, my anxiety screams that I will sound ridiculous, drowning out all reason.
This paradox is a daily reality for me: I am an extroverted individual grappling with social anxiety disorder—a combination that seems contradictory. My life is a constant tug-of-war between feeling sociable in certain contexts and wishing I could disappear in others.
It’s perplexing. The triggers for my anxiety often appear trivial to those who don’t experience it. For instance, I dread making phone calls, even to order a pizza—a task that should be simple. I avoid the phone whenever possible, even with friends I enjoy speaking with face-to-face; something about the disconnect triggers my anxiety, even though the person on the other end can’t see me.
Taking my children to the dentist or my pets to the vet causes me considerable stress for days beforehand. Yet, I can easily walk into a social gathering, engage with strangers, share laughs, and be the life of the party—without needing alcohol to boost my confidence.
However, my reactions aren’t always predictable. Some days are better than others; on my worst days, I find myself hiding whenever the doorbell rings. I genuinely enjoy people and making connections, but it often feels risky, like approaching a dog that might bite. On particularly tough days, I lack the strength to take that chance.
I recognize how irrational my fears can be. Like many who experience anxiety, I know that most of my worries are unfounded. The postal workers are unlikely to ridicule me for not knowing postage rates, and the pizza delivery person won’t judge me for being anxious. Yet, I struggle to understand my fear of ordering takeout; face-to-face, I would have no problems at all.
This inconsistency complicates my ability to share my struggles with others. How can I explain to someone that I can confidently lead a class but panic at mundane tasks? If I can’t grasp my own feelings, how can I expect others to? Anxiety whispers that they’ll view me as peculiar, pushing me to keep my struggles hidden, enduring them silently or practicing avoidance when necessary.
So, if you know someone who sends your calls straight to voicemail, consider texting instead. If they seem quirky about tasks that appear simple—like visiting the post office—try to understand that their anxiety is very real. It’s the fear of being judged that differentiates socially anxious individuals from those who are merely introverted. Accept their peculiarities, even if they seem odd to you, and plan gatherings in environments where they feel at ease.
And remember, you might want to take the lead on ordering the pizza.
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In summary, being an extrovert with social anxiety creates a unique experience filled with contradictions. While I can shine in social settings, the pressure of mundane tasks can be overwhelming. Understanding these dualities is crucial for both those who experience anxiety and their loved ones.