“Self-care” has become quite the catchphrase in recent times. When I began addressing my postpartum challenges, my counselor frequently inquired about my “self-care practices” or my “self-care regimen.” Initially, I mistook her questions for inquiries about personal hygiene, which isn’t entirely absurd considering one of my biggest struggles with depression was finding the motivation to get out of bed and shower (if you’ve experienced this, you understand). I soon learned that self-care involves the small, personal acts that nurture your well-being, rather than just hygiene routines.
As a solo parent, incorporating self-care into my daily life presents unique challenges. While I don’t identify as a “single mom,” my husband’s lengthy deployment means I often navigate parenting alone. Living far from family support only heightens this reality. For me, self-care can take on different forms.
Establishing a Consistent Bedtime
Setting a firm bedtime for my child is essential. As a working mom, I occasionally grapple with guilt about putting my child to bed early after a long day when I haven’t had much quality time with him. Without a partner to share the evening routine, it’s all on me. A consistent bedtime not only benefits my (almost) two-year-old but also grants me the routine and time I need to indulge in some self-care.
Knowing my son will be asleep by 7:30 PM allows me to carve out that precious hour and a half each evening (after tackling chores like laundry and dishes) for myself. This could mean enjoying a Netflix binge of my favorite show, luxuriating in a hot bath with a fancy bath bomb I spotted online, or simply taking the time to paint my nails. When the day feels overwhelming, I remind myself that my “me time” awaits at night.
Prioritizing Tasks
I once shared with my counselor how I felt compelled to keep a pristine home because that’s what I believed a “good mom” should do. She humorously asked, “Are you expecting Martha Stewart over for dinner?” It made me laugh, but she was spot on. Who was I trying to impress?
While my home isn’t a disaster zone, I often felt anxious about a laundry basket overflowing or shoes scattered across the floor. Together, we made a list distinguishing between what needed immediate attention and what could wait. For instance, will washing the dishes after dinner really matter if I do them in the morning? Probably not. But having clean clothes for tomorrow? Absolutely. Learning to prioritize my “To Do” list has been key to my self-care, preventing unnecessary stress over trivial matters.
Appreciating the Small Moments
Without reliable childcare or family nearby, I’ve had to discover self-care options that are simple and fit into my hectic schedule. Sometimes, this means treating myself to my favorite coffee on the way to work or getting my eyebrows shaped on the way home (seriously, it’s amazing how refreshed you feel after a little grooming!). Self-care doesn’t always have to involve grand gestures; it can also mean taking a moment in your car outside daycare, enjoying your favorite song for just a few extra minutes.
Embracing Independence
One of the most challenging aspects of solo parenting is the nagging feeling that I’m not doing “enough” as a mom. With no one around to remind me of my efforts, I often battle feelings of inadequacy. A vital part of my self-care is reflecting on one thing I accomplished each day that demonstrates I’m a good mom, whether it’s arriving on time for drop-off, preparing a nutritious dinner, or spending extra time cuddling with my son. It may seem trivial, but sometimes you must be your own cheerleader.
My child is always my top priority, but I’ve come to realize that taking care of myself doesn’t diminish my ability to meet his needs. I’ve learned that putting him to bed early, so I can unwind after a challenging day, is far more beneficial for both of us than becoming frustrated over little mishaps. Self-care doesn’t need to be extravagant or costly; it can be quick, free, and easily integrated once you recognize what works for you.
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Summary
Self-care is essential for solo parents, especially when navigating the challenges of parenting alone. Establishing routines, prioritizing tasks, finding joy in small moments, and recognizing personal achievements are key strategies to maintaining well-being. By focusing on self-care, solo parents can ensure they meet both their needs and those of their children.