As a mother of four boys, my youngest, now 10, feels like he’s already navigating adulthood. I often find myself convincing my weary self that he doesn’t really need me anymore—emotionally, physically, or socially—because his three older brothers are always around to provide that support. For the past five years, since he entered kindergarten, I’ve essentially put him on auto-pilot, enjoying a newfound sense of freedom. After a decade of motherhood, I thought I had earned the right to step back and reclaim my identity beyond being just “Mom.”
However, I failed to check back into my role as a parent. With my youngest now in school, my presence seemed less and less necessary, and I welcomed the idea that he was becoming self-sufficient. But I soon realized that just because he appeared independent didn’t mean he truly was. I had become so disengaged that I neglected his needs. I had let a ten-year-old fend for himself, thinking he was fine, only to discover he was struggling in ways I hadn’t recognized.
Managing a large family often brings chaos, and while it’s filled with levity, it can also leave a mother utterly depleted. Repeatedly parenting the same stages can feel exhausting, leading us to loosen our grip on the youngest kids just to stay afloat. As we watch them thrive seemingly on their own and recall that many of our anxieties about the first child didn’t come to fruition, we tend to step back even more. Then one day, we wake up to find we hardly know our youngest child.
This realization hit me hard. My youngest deserves the same attention and nurturing I provided to my firstborn. Even though it’s challenging and I often feel like giving up, it’s essential that I engage with him fully. I owe him more than just the bare minimum; he deserves my best effort.
While I may not be the same mom I was when I had just one child, I can still be present and supportive, bringing the wisdom of my experiences while recognizing him as his own unique individual—rather than just another child to prepare for the world.
It’s easy for people to discuss the challenges of becoming a new mom, but transitioning into later parenting years can be just as difficult. The desire to reclaim one’s identity while still having a child at home who needs you is a tough balance. We often focus on starting motherhood strong, yet we must also prioritize finishing strong. I am determined to give my youngest the attention he deserves, even if it means crawling across the finish line of motherhood.
In the end, that medal of motherhood will be a testament to my journey, and I hope it shines brightly.
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Summary: Motherhood can be exhausting, especially when parenting multiple children, which can lead to neglecting the youngest. As moms, we must recognize the need to reconnect with our children and provide the nurturing they deserve. Transitioning from new motherhood to later years is challenging, and it’s important to strive for a fulfilling relationship with our kids, even when feeling overwhelmed.