I want to emphasize that she didn’t “commit suicide.” To say that implies a deliberate act when, in reality, Emily was a victim of mental illness. It’s similar to saying someone chose to go into diabetic shock due to neglecting their insulin. We need to shift our language around mental health. Emily struggled with a mental illness, and no one in our society seems to see beyond the labels—words like “crazy” or “addict” are thrown around without understanding the underlying issues. Emily was a victim of a mind that betrayed her and a system that failed to support her.
Emily was brilliant from the moment I met her at 14. Tall and striking at 6’3”, she had a strong exterior, but beneath that, she battled insecurities and vulnerability. I remember her struggles with depression during our teenage years. In her 20s, with the help of a therapist, she found ways to manage her symptoms through meditation and yoga, even stepping off medication.
When Emily had her first child at 26, we discussed the possibility of postpartum depression, carefully planning our approach should it arise. Thankfully, she navigated that experience well, and her time as a mother to her first son was filled with joy—park visits, fishing trips, and laughter marked those years. Our friendship thrived during this time, as we both embraced the challenges of motherhood while juggling our careers.
However, when her second child was born five years later, things took a turn. She was thrilled, but the postpartum depression that followed caught me off guard. Without a plan in place, compounded by a separation from her partner, she became distant, and I found it increasingly difficult to reach her.
A year before her passing, I was among friends who convinced her to seek help. We knew we had to mask our intentions; otherwise, she wouldn’t have agreed to go. My heart sank when she managed to convince us all that she was simply “exhausted.” The reality was that she was in pain, and I felt powerless to intervene.
Almost exactly one year later, Emily was gone. Our communication had dwindled to mere likes and comments on social media. I often replay the moments when I could have reached out more. I should have told her, “You matter. You mean so much to me; I know things feel tough right now, but they can get better. I’m here to help you.”
If you or someone you know is struggling, it’s crucial to seek help. Resources are available, and support is just a step away. You can learn more about this topic by visiting this link, which offers valuable insights about fertility. Additionally, for further reading, check out this excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination.
Emily, you mattered, and you always will.