As parents, we often find ourselves urging our children to just go and play. I say it daily, sometimes feeling the urge to add a bit of exasperation to my tone. Why do my kids seem to need constant guidance? Why must I transition them from one activity to another, like a cruise ship director? “First, we’ll play with trains in the playroom, and then after dinner, we’ll tackle Zingo by the fireplace.”
This isn’t even about outdoor play—which is a whole other struggle that requires me to dress them, put on their shoes, and drag them outside. I’m pleading for them to engage in imaginative play right here at home, where I can still attend to my own tasks.
I long for moments where they can independently create their own fun without me orchestrating every game or mediating their disputes. Some phrases I repeat to my 6-year-old son include: “Your sister wants to join you; just let her in,” or, “She has been waiting for you to come home from school!” I even remind him of my own childhood, “I played with my brother every day, and he was much older than me.” Yet, he still looks to me for direction.
I’ve noticed my daughter can easily entertain herself—she’s got the knack for solo adventures, just like Dora with her monkey sidekick. But my son? That’s another story. Despite my attempts to step back and encourage independence, he still struggles to play on his own.
I know I’m not the only one in this boat. Friends with multiple children often share the same frustrations, with their kids also unsure how to interact without guidance. When playdates happen, I find myself relieved—thankfully, my child can entertain himself with others.
The modern open floor plan certainly doesn’t help. It seems we’ve traded privacy for sight lines, making us too accessible to our kids. My own mother could easily retreat to her office or the kitchen, leaving us to explore the neighborhood on our bikes without constant supervision. We were free to play and figure out our own problems, while she tended to her business without interruption.
In my beautifully designed open-concept kitchen, I realize I’m far too present. The wireless connections keep me reachable, a stark contrast to the independence I experienced. I can only hope future home designs will give parents spaces to hide away, giving kids room to roam freely.
I can see my children nearing a new stage of independence at ages 6 and 4. Soon they’ll venture into their own adventures without me. Until then, it’s princess play for my daughter followed by Chutes and Ladders for my son. After that, I’ll plead with them to just go and play while I tackle the laundry.
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Summary:
In an era of constant parental involvement, many parents find it challenging to encourage independent play among their children. The open floor plan of modern homes may contribute to this dependency, as parents feel more accessible. As children grow, fostering independence becomes crucial, allowing them to engage in creative play without constant supervision.
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