Recently, while browsing through old photographs to decorate my home office, I stumbled upon a collection of images featuring my husband and me. We looked so carefree—feeding ducks at the park, wandering around a county fair, and even enjoying a horror movie festival downtown. In those snapshots, we were beaming, often cuddled up or walking hand-in-hand. As I gazed at those memories, a thought struck me: “I’m not that woman anymore.”
Over the years since our wedding, I’ve undergone a significant transformation, and so has my husband. Friends from our past might hardly recognize us today, but that’s a positive change. Marriage has a unique way of influencing growth; it encourages partners to evolve into the best versions of themselves. I often hear that couples shouldn’t try to change one another, but I firmly disagree. Embracing change in your partner can lead to a deeper, more fulfilling relationship. It’s not about altering who they are but rather nurturing their potential to become stronger and more confident individuals.
Think of it like athletes on a team: they don’t necessarily change each other, but they motivate, train, and practice together, striving for excellence. This is the essence of marriage.
My husband never pressured me to change; that was never his style. Instead, our growth happened organically as we navigated life together. When we first met, I was still figuring out my path. In my mid-twenties, I was stuck in an unfulfilling relationship, trapped in a career that didn’t inspire me, and still working towards my college degree. I often felt lost and uncertain about my future, like a duckling unable to find its way out of the pond.
During those tough moments—when I felt unattractive or defeated in my academic pursuits—he was my unwavering supporter. He reminded me of my beauty on days I felt less than, encouraged me to believe in my purpose, and instilled in me the confidence to chase my dreams. His consistent affirmations led me to believe in myself, allowing me to slowly transform.
Now, when I look in the mirror, I see someone who has grown and evolved. I may look similar, but I am not the same person I once was. The man I married played an essential role in this journey. He embraced my insecurities and helped me shape them into strengths. He didn’t demand change; he simply believed in me, saying, “I love you, and I have faith in you.” That supportive message made all the difference.
As I embarked on personal milestones—finishing my education, applying for jobs, and launching a blog—some achievements were solo endeavors, while others were shared experiences. Together, we relocated to a new city, devised a budget, and began exploring avenues for adoption. My husband also grew significantly, establishing boundaries with unsupportive individuals, launching his own business, and strengthening his convictions.
We are not the same people we once were, and that’s a good thing. Instead of resisting change, we should promote our partner’s growth, actively supporting their aspirations and encouraging self-love and confidence. Through our marriage, we have empowered each other to take control of our lives and carve out our destinies.
So, yes, I’m not that woman anymore, and he’s not that man. We have both evolved, and in doing so, we’ve become better versions of ourselves.
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Summary:
In marriage, change is a natural and positive evolution for both partners. The journey includes supporting each other’s growth, encouraging dreams, and fostering self-belief. Through mutual encouragement, couples can transform into stronger individuals, creating a fulfilling life together.